Virtual Memory ~ S.O.S

I am being driven mad by my lack of VM which I am sure is causing my machine to move like molasses.

I know how it works

I know how PC Mag says to fix it

I even know what Dave and Chris suggest.

I'm resigned to calling in one of the ex-pat geek trolls from their mountain hermit hideaways and paying them excess bijouterie to do their stuff, but meanwhile:

If I just transfer to disk all my pirated muzak and "Beautiful Agony" clips and porno downloads and bootleg Debbies doing Dallas and Kristins caressing Kerkira and, like, basically get it back to something I'd let my daughters behind the wheel of - would that make any difference?