DVD RENTAL STORE SHOCK HORROR

See how brutalised I've become in the land of the Olive?

Here *I* am under the impression of posting a *terribly* amusing tale of a lady from Pueblo, Colorado being incensed by the juxtaposition of posters in my local DVD family store.

And there's you already chundering into the sick bag and vowing

"Right that's it. He's gorn too far this time.

Where's that unlisted number of the president of Blogger? I'll have Holmes de-listed if it's the last thing I do.

No darling, no closer, I beg you ... yes it IS from Chris but nothing you'd want to see ..."

Yes, indeed. This is our local friendly community DVD shop - akin to the Village Pump of old - where we gather to prattle and let the Ya-Yas (granny) get their babysitter fix as we compare notes on what's good ("Ooh! There's a poster for that Ratawotsit movie - that come in yet, luv?") and the sweet young thangs behind the desk field our questions and fix our probs with the automatic DVD provider.

I must ask them if the 'wrong' movie ever popped out - like Monsignor Callaghan ordering some scriptural text from Amazon and receiving instead thru the mail - or worse, his rural dean opening it - some lascivious pamphlet ("Rats! It's the one number I've actually read!").

Everyone just gets on with life and the kids giggle and gurgle and look at the pretty pics in the mags on the table in front of the sofa - porny catalogs.

So there I was with this pulchritudina from Pueblo, and I said I just wanted to swing by and change my DVD - the not very good "Empire" spoof - and she said OK, I'll come in with you ... and she was SHOCKED.

Aye, she could not get over the fact that there were mums and dads milling around and the children all nonchalant before this flesh.

"But my gahd, look, they're right next to posters that are ... well, they're practically pornographic."

"They are pornographic," I rumbled. "Why do you think that lion down there looks so panicked by the pneumatic chick massaging her embonpoint just behind his right ear?"

"Well for heaven's sake!"

All I could do was laugh at how brutalised and insensitive I must have become since leaving Seattle, to take it so for granted.

As I said, *look* at me, posting these pics as if the whole thing was a joke.