Barclaycard Phone CS

I am having the dickens of a time registering myself and my mother for online credit card control with Barclaycard.

I go through the process with great care: giving names and exp dates, addresses and secret numbers, memorable words and eminently forgettable word clues should I forget the memorable word.

Everything is ready for the final click. I click. With suspicious immediacy, a warning error message leaps to the screen telling me of some error in transmission, giving me a phone number to call which I can already see will not work, a reference number to quote and a warning NOT to try to register again or I will screw my chances of EVER achieving the honour of handling my BarCard fortunes online.

I call and get a friendly Mumbai accent at the end of the line. He runs me through some security questions including my age next birthday.

63

"Excuse me, sir, but you don't sound as if you will be 63 next birthday."

"Thank you"

(Slight scoffing laugh) "No, I did not mean that as a compliment. I meant that I did not believe you."

"I know, thank you very much"

"So, I need to put some more security questions to you to verify your claim."

"My claim?? I am claiming nothing - I'm claiming my right as a customer to get some service and information. I'm resigned to jumping through a few hoops to get the service I need, but don't push the 'claim' bit."

"I perfectly understand and please bear with me."

He asks more questions including some that are clearly invented with no answer and others for which he has no answer, for instance asking me for my previous addresses I confuse my very first Bainbridge address with my Boston one and Mr Chatter-ji Mumbai says nothing.

Finally he gives me what I need and by way of parting shot tells me that he knew "from the sincerity of your irritability of my questions" that I was who I said I was. I told him, Not at all - all good con men bluster and bark to cowe the security-minded rep into not asking too many questions.