Sappho

My Lesbian friend Dora has always been mighty lean but now she's mighty mean: it turns out she's one of a bunch taking the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece to court for 'insulting the identity' of the good folks of Lesbos - also known as Lesbians. Which means if yours truly had been born there, *I* too could call myself a Lesbian. Cool.

I urge her to save her breath and her money on learnèd counsel: how clued up can this lot be who think that homo-sexual and lesbian are like men and women. It's not man-sexual: it's homos - like *same* sex, OK? You'd think they of all people would know their classics.

"Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies with no connection whatsoever with Lesbos."

Meanwhile, a spokeswoman for the H&LC of Greece pooh-poohs the lawsuit as "a joke in bad taste that borders on discrimination".

Also called Mytilene after its capital, Lesbos is the birthplace of Sappho whose home town of Eressos is a favored holiday locale for gay women. (Incidentally, never have I met a less joyous or gay bunch than the homosexual ladies out here.)

According to Dora, the term lesbian has only been linked with homo babes for the past few decades, "whereas we have been Lesbians for thousands of years."

"Can't you," I ask, "just say that 'I am from the island of Lesbos'?

She fixes me her Gorgon look.