von Hagen's week

I love Helen Brown's 'My Week' series in the Telegraph arts section but surely last week's with Dr von Hagens was on the spoofish side?

This is the bloke who works "with the human body, plastinating corpses for the international Body Worlds exhibitions." You know, those what featured in 'Casino Royale', quite made my blood turn, oh you know what I mean/

Among his deadpan quotes - I can see this will be a pun-riddled rant/rave - were:

"Then I worked on the dissection of a hunchbacked old man which I hope to finish in time for this month's exhibition in London.

"Because of his curved spine, it was difficult to open him up from the back and arrange his intestines and genitals correctly. If I haven't finished him by the time the delivery truck leaves, I will drive him to London myself.

"Today I talked to my father about his life. He is 93. He talked about the first time he saw a bicycle and his experiences in the war - he was a cook in the German army.

He has always taught me about the importance of staying out of danger, driving safely, not smoking, and he wants me to dissect and plastinate him when he dies.

I am not sure how I will present him, maybe with a beehive as he was a beekeeper.

"When I die my wife says my plastinated body should be at the front of the exhibitions to welcome people inside.

"In the afternoon, I had a long conversation with a body donor who has only three months to live. Donors want to discuss their physical and metaphysical condition with me. I am both consultant and consoler."

'Consultant and consoler', indeed ... arranging intestines and genitals. Can you imagine being at dinner with the cove and there he is staring over with that *look* as if sizing you up for his next show. Shudder.

Speaking of 'that look', isn't that jokester on the right in the picture just the spitting image of Achmed the Dead Terrorist?