NO TIME TO CRY

~ J.D. Justice ~

I think I've posted some of Miss DeMent's before.

One of my favourite singers.

I may have shared Let the Mystery Be.

I would loved to have been in on that jam.

Look at the musicians' faces - they don't give a flying fart for any audience, they've got each other and they've got da music. And how's about that bass player? What a face on that woman - magnifique.

One of Iris's most moving songs is No Time to Cry of which the studio cut isn't online and her concert is badly recorded.

If ever there was a singer of whom I'd plead FFS no covers, pleez, ID is one.

So, of course, I'm proved wrong.

Whoever JD Dance is, he renders this movingly and with a miraculous mix of homage and individuality. A singer/pianist to follow.

Speaking of homarje, I must give a shout out to one Mister Zacharia Works (of no fixed abode) whose copy of Iris CDs I borrowed without his permission or any idea who she was and with whom I fell forever in love.

I made many good friends at Amazon.com - good  friends, no bullshit friends, but Zach is up in the pantheon of the few.

Zach was a piratical cove in those days - tamed now, thank god, by a good woman - but back then the double of Jake Gyllenhaal's world-wearier grizzled evil twin brutha and he played wonderful harmonica.

But I remember him for one specific instant and every time I tell it, to no matter whom, it resonates.

Bear with me as I bore you:

Amazon customer service reps handled email and phones and if we had a question we couldn't handle we'd 'escalate' it to a Lead who'd be a more experienced wrangler. Also, if you had a prob, you could (theoretically) walk over to a Lead and put your problem.

Now, these were multi-tasking maestros of the Universe and wayy  superior to us vermin reps. Their very demeanour discouraged interruption. I know: I played that game myself when I reached Lead status.

They'd have cans on, listening to the hottest latest sounds; they'd be checking their money millions on the market; they'd be on the phone to their lovers; they'd be in their own elevated world. And they'd make damn'd sure to ignore us just to show who was boss.

Not so Zach: I'd tiptoe timidly over, ready to make obeisance and wait, but your shadow only had to fall over his keyboard and he would whip off the headphones and be 100% focused on you.

I can't tell you how classy that is, what devotion and confidence that inspires. Totally without ego.

I tell that and people who have no idea of the 'Zon culture go misty-eyed and nod knowingly and recall leaders with whom they too have had the privilege of working.

Funny how one simple gene of instinctive decency can define a man and make a lasting impression of example and gratitude.

Dubai Stopover: Perfect memory of Firoz by perfectionist Sinbad whose whole tasty blog is worth a stopover deeper look. Except he said carrot cake and now I'll be thinking about Kristina's pantry all morning. (Check you spelled it 'pantry' with that penultimate letter in there.)

REHAB

Alas, this will be lost on most of my readers.

To understand the brilliance of Noel Coward's 1934 original of this song, you need to be familiar with Miss Amy Winehouse's revived version with which I understand she enjoyed mild success.

Connoisseurs of Corfucius do not listen to bluesy wailers such as Ms W - magnificent embonpoint  notwithstanding.

Avaunt! Never let it be said that I write down to my fans.

Everyone who's heard it begs me to blog it for my fans 'abroad'.

IN CAMERA INFIDELIS

A pal of mine in the UK used to hold that a man suddenly 'getting' gym was a sure sign of an affair.

Fair point. I always ramp up the old exercise when I meet someone for whom I'd prefer the belt not to roll.

Now I hear he's hoisted with his own petting, and interesting the way he was busted.

CCTV is everywhere in England, I hear. My pal bit the dust to exactly that way:

Attends gym to tuck and buck in where it counts

CCTV on the square sells fotos of car plates to local electronology shop, sends invite to look in ~ 'We notice that you are a patron of the 'Gregory Pectorals Gym and Skirt Satisfier', thought you might ... yadda yadda.'

Wifey opens mail and decides he WELL might. Bluffs. Confession.

Sticky soir.

How I know is that he mailed me and I mailed a policier mate who came back with the anonymous info'. Therein lies a tale, how I have these pals in dark places.

Back in the late 1960s when I was a streetsinger in the underpass outside Baker St tube/Tussauds, I was impeccably behaved but still the strolling cops would descend and give me a bad time. Sometimes the charges read out to the Beak had me gasping - even more than the thwacking I'd get from the law once they'd took me down the station for whatever trumpeds.

What I didnt know was that the Globe pub on t'other side was run by an ex-CID worthy whose 2 sons played the guitar and welcomed me to play with them as ex-Fuzz Dad sang 'Ragtime Cowboy Joe' and told me my money was of no use there.

Thereon I always offered to play free at any charity fuzz nite, childrens charity, etc - golden boy. So-o-o, one evening a bunch of young rozzers came in and I recognised some of the lads who'd duffed me over. I told the sons who told dad who took me aside and asked me to write down everything I remembered.

Long to short, they'd been working on just such delrovian cowboys and my witness was a bonus.

Over the years I made many pals and when I got big in books I'd donate freebie advance copies to the library and slip the prefects handsome vols for themselves and their wives and kids.

Supreme moment was when I was plugging a very senior and respected ex-CID (Glaswegian) commander's novel and took him in there.

Jim was the sort of bulky gent that when we went into the pubs round my Soho office the lads would stiffen.

"They can smell me, Chris, and I can smell them."

and indeed it seemed to be true.

Jim remembered some of the faces and of course they were prostrate:

"Large Chivas, if I remember ... sir?"

"No other kind, son."

I told them about Boothby asking for a scotch in a club,

"Single or double, sir?"

"No such thing: There's a dirty glass or there's a scotch. Gimme a scotch."

Jim used surfaces and mirrors. Lunching in the Venezia, he suddenly asked me did I know the waiter.

"Something wrong, Jim?"

"Not yet but I'd tell the lady by the window to move her purse away from the table to her right. The man in the bowtie has made two passes at it. Next one, it'll be to his mate with the mac when he comes over to say hello or ask for a light."

And he was always right.

RIP Edward Woodward

'Callan' was one of my favourite programmes.

I even tried to get Elleston 'Adam Hall' Trevor to consider him for the role of Quiller.

Woodward was a militaria enthusiast and we met when I was handling PR for Frederick Muller whose list for collectors was one of the best.

I manned our stand at these arms fairs, surrounded by gun nutters talking muskets and Buntlines and snaphaunce locks and the use of socket bayonets on firearms with double-necked hammers.

Edward was passing by and I stiffened at his approach. His eye was caught by an advance copy of old military prints and he reached for his cheque book to place an order but I shoved it straight in a bag and handed it to him with a

"Thank you very much, Mr Woodward. That's all in order."

"But don't you want some ... er ... money?"

I gave him my 'Keep yer voice down, blithering idiot' look and blasted him with a steely glare (not an easy feat to the country's favourite hard man private dick):

"Thank YOU, Mr Callan, I'm sorry I mean Mr *Woodward* . Much obliged for ..."

(wink).

He got it in one and shook my hand.

I wrote my name on the catalogue and he flipped thru it and spotted a November facsimile at a mere £350:

"I'll be back when this little pamphlet hits the streets."

Laughter and winks.

Good bloke, plus the definitive Wicker Man.

SERGEANT 'Tony' DELROY SMELLIE

G20

Ian Tomlinson RIP

Reminder video

From what I could make out, Mr Tomlinson was doing no more than standing there - facing away from the police, including the officer who comes up behind him and thumps him to the ground (see video).

Ugh, it gets worse. It appears he was assaulted twice.

David Howarth was right: our fuzz use the same degree of force on peaceful demonstraters as on violent ones.

"They seem to only have one trick."

Guardian analyses video clip including slow-mo.

Police deny attempt to mislead ~ Quoth Deborah Glass, IPCC Deputy Chair: "People are rightly concerned about this tragic death and this footage is clearly disturbing."

More than 'disturbing', you silly moo. The Filth must be hopping mad. It exposes the uniformed bully-boys as nothing but lying thugs AND it shows up their masters in cahoots right down the line.

Three year wait for inquest

What is it with these cameras? ~ Good at picking up images save those showing police criminality

Police watchdog wrong ~ there were cameras. Duhh - of course there were. It's only now the facts are emerging that anyone's owning up. Clearly, much more stench to ooze out on this overdue outing of The Filth and their modus operandi over the years.

Second attack: Blimey - big bastard, that one at the top. Wouldna've liked to have been the lady who copped that truncheon slap.

There's clearly a lot more like this under the dung heap

A lot more, such as this preposterous and insulting 'impostor' theory

Growing catalogue" exposing The Filth

And more ...

Dept of Now I've Heard It All [No you haven't - Ed]: Truncheoned totty hires Goody hack for quick buck comp from constabulary.

Tourists forced to delete photos in the name of preventing terrorism. Quite right, too - we can't have the police being terrorised with (or terrified of) possible photographic evidence of the way they behave. Bring back the good old days of their word against ours in court and nothing to give their mealy-mouthed fibbing the lie.

'Kettle' - everything you wanted to know but were bludgeoned to the ground too quickly to find out.

Violent and aggressive

The Filth: "servants not masters"

IPCC "serious concerns" over control. In other words, the complete lack of control.

More violence comes to light. I'm surprised there aren't more shots of the Fuzz clubbing the cameras out of reporters' hands. Without all this photographic evidence, the Filth would have been able to carry on regardless as per what is clearly their remit.

Dept of They Would Say That: Police chiefs defend

Riot Police: Taught to treat the Great Unwashed as the enemy.

100-witness dossier and Brutality Dossier

"Far beyond remit" - and what's this about Tomlinson dying of internal bleeding ??

Third post-mortem on Ian Tomlinson.

Photos

From the top: officers with no badges to be 'disciplined'. What a cruel tease and slap in the shroud for those who suffered. What 'disciplined'? You lot haven't served that brew since 1964.

Cocooned élite

Where they clashed

Ghoul merchants, pornographers of death - Tommo coverage

Anxious to whack us long-haired hippies

Role of the IPCC

Out of the woodwork: claims of Bobby Brutality

May Days rumble

159 Assaults

The Filth under scrutiny for 'kettling'

G20: Inadequate policing

Adequate Commenting: Sinbad recognises that 'the horror' lies right here, in us and in our police.

Trial charges loom [Like that'll be the day. The Filth'll slip thru, mark my truncheoned words]

Three-day verdict: No Evidence

Police Untrustworthy: well we knew that, but hats orf to the Magistrates for speaking for England. Of course the Filth are going to be judge and jury - and what an insult to those two nobles positions to even include them in the same sentence - and right bent job they'll make it, too.

No Restrictions on Force

100-foot taser: You know? I absolutely believe that the Filth would gear up with even more evil tools, and this cowards'-length taser fits the bill:

"The eXtended Range Electronic Projectile (XREP) delivers a 20-second, 500 volt shock to its victims after attaching itself to its target with a series of barbed electrodes.

Previous Tasers, a non-lethal weapon, only delivered a five-second shock, but could be retriggered and could fire darts up to 25 feet."

Don't ask a policeman for his number: cautionary tale

Let's hear it for

~ 'SERGEANT' DELROY SMELLIE ~

(Divinely appropriate name for The Filth)

A glimmer of justice: the odorous Del 'Tony' Smellie has been issued with a court summons following an investigation by the Independent Police Complaints Commission.

Nicola Fischer

Ranks will close, of course, and one of those weasel lawyers the Fuzz have on tap will see that The Smell oozes his way out.

But I'm marking my calendar with a very big note to monitor the fun

Internal Polity: (You can't say I don't check and check and edit again)

Prof Baddeley topping and tailing and making this blog the must-peruse pamphlet it is.

EX MEMORIAM

The BBC's excellent and ever-alert Athens correspondent Malcolm Brabant comes up with a timely story that seems not to have seeped down to my level of chattering classes.

The week before Remembrance Day, Brabant comes up with un vrai coup and, since these things don't always appear on the Net, MB has co-operatively posted the story on his own website.

A row over honouring dead British military veterans has erupted following the discovery of part of a warship badly damaged by a mine during one of the opening incidents in the Cold War.

American divers have found remains of British sailors amid the wreckage off the Greek island of Corfu.

The Ministry of Defence’s refusal to build a memorial to the dead, has been branded as shameful by an MP campaigning on behalf of the survivors.

Quoth Brabant ~ "For decades, members of the Corfu Channel Naval Association have been asking the Ministry of Defence to erect a stone memorial to honour 44 sailors who died in 1946 when their ships struck communist mines in the narrow stretch of water separating the Greek island from Albania.

The bodies of twelve men were recovered and they were buried in Corfu. But the other thirty two were never found. American divers have now discovered part of the bow section of HMS Volage in 150 feet of water. News, in the week preceding Remembrance Day, that some remains had also been found, gave new impetus to the veteran’s campaign. But the Ministry of Defence is refusing to grant their wish. A spokesman said the Ministry did not fund individual memorials, adding that the names were inscribed in monuments in three Naval dockyards.

MP Mike Penning, who supports the veterans, described the Ministry’s attitude as shameful.

“It tells you everything about a government which doesn’t understand the sacrifices that have been made by so many, especially at a time when we are at war,” he said.

The infamous Corfu Channel incident, at the start of the Cold War, led to five decades of tension between London and Tirana with Britain refusing to hand over Albanian gold that had been seized by the Nazis during the second world war.

The Ministry of Defence has asked for the final resting place of the thirty two sailors to be respected.

And Mr Penning has appealed to the Albanian authorities to ensure the wreck is placed out of bounds to divers."

Linkfail: Alert Sinbad caught a bad link (see comment), for which he wins the coveted prize of having his well-researched Richer Dust Concealed chosen as Link o' Day.

International team of archaeologists ~ so that's what they're calling them? (See Sinbad's comments passim ) ... anyway, this is the lot that "recently discovered the remains of a British military ship which had an accident off Albania’s Ionian Sea coast in the mid-1940s ... The ship remains were discovered by a - here we go - "international team of scientists from the US Institute of Nautical Archaeology, the Albanian Institute of Archaeology and the Albanian Defence Ministry."

Bow Portion: The Cardinal sends me what "seems to be the most comprehensive account by the man who claims the discovery of HMS Volage's bow portion - James Delgardo"

See his exemplary blog and the last section on HMS Volage.

Good stuff and an extra tot of rum to the on-the-ballsy Caliph of Kora-sur-Brum.

British people among world's ugliest

That's according to BeautifulPeople.com the site that only allows 'beautiful' people to join.

I have applied and even now awaiting "their" verdict if I'm beautiful enough. The suspense!

Beautiful People managing director Greg Hodge said:

"Asking why British people are doing so badly is a tough question.

"It hurts me - I'm English.

"I think there is less emphasis on appearance in the UK than overseas.

"If you go to some countries they are very into how they look - very health and body conscious.

"The UK attitude is a bit more about kicking back and relaxing, and having a few drinks in the pub after work."

Hunkfail: An ugly turn of events. Call the youngsters inside and bolt all doors.

Police Sergeant 'Tony' Delroy Smellie

This hour's the very crisis of your fate;
Your good or ill; your infamy or fame,
And all the colour of your life depends
On this important now.

~ Dryden's Spanish Friar

EXTRA EXTRA! ~ Trial scheduled for Monday 22 March 2010.

Delroy Smellie pleads not guilty ... District Judge grants 'unconditional bail' until this time next year.

• Damn! Totally messing up my calendar:
  • There goes the World Water Day concert in Kochi
  • Janet - cancel my lecture tour
  • Simone, tell the Cranberries they'll have to switch dates.
  • Oh, and have Carla get Nick's girl to reschedule lunch. Not to worry about the motorcade if it'll screw with the circulation .

Prosecutor Nicholas Paul: The crown could present 23 witnesses.

"Obviously a lot of people were present ... but a lot of this can be dealt with by photographs and what has become the infamous DVD footage."

Sir, sir? Please, sir, your Prosecutorialness ... Dinna forget certain infamous bloggage. Plug plug.

Smellie to Court: Posted today, Nov 16, by efficient Getty Images under the caption,

"British police sergeant Delroy Smellie, arrives at Westminster Magistrates court, London, on November 16, 2009.

Smellie is facing a charge of assault after allegedly striking a woman without justification during protests surrounding the G20 Summit in London last April."

NOMINATIVE DETERMINISM

~ Deli Smellie ~ Magistrates Court 11/16 ~

A splendid new word, just what I needed for my own G20 coverage.

Anyway, here is a much-needed separate page for PC 'Tony' Delroy Smellie to track him to the very steps of:

Westminster Magistrates Court

A right bully he looks.

One who plays by his own rules and is no doubt equally loathed and feared down the station for throwing his weight around.

I trust there are 'colleagues' with scores to settle and a safe channel thru which to blow those distinctive Fuzz whistles.

Hélas - pas un dickie bird will happen: Greased wheels of cronyism will turn, the backroom boys and their legal lizards will ooze El Smell towards a 'vindicated' solution.

Common sense - not.

Sufficient evidence

Another reports it as 'assault'

Beat with baton

Footage

Reviewed the evidence

Smellie Deli - ma foi! That's what the snooty denizens of Kassiopi-sur-Mer call my darling Diellas supermarché!

Not just a tap: “He used his full force."

Oh do look at the expression on that other policier's face, just above Nicola's cap - too funny.

He is clearly thinking:

"Fuck me! I know Tone fights dirty but he's going a bit far this time.

I just hope to gawd no fucker's fucking filming this - at least, not wiv me in the viewer"

But Nicola is absolutely right, as is clear in all the videos, which I trust will be used in evidence against PC Smell

Also replayed constantly in Pongo's presence, his colleagues' and that of his superiors.

Also included with all his job application CVs, lest any of us forget the nature of this beast.

Look at that Big Mouth, lol. Takes a big man to bawl out a little lady.

He's probably yelling something like,

"Why don't I get to baton out bimbos like the hottie across there?"

Daily Star video clip report

[Also bona excuse to slip in the young lady featured on the mast-head]

Colleagues of Sergeant Smellie ~ "Nah, our Tone never broke no rules during his confrontalment with Miss Fisher.

Put up job, innit?

Del's a good lad, been 'hung out to dry' by them toffs on the 6th floor.

Disgusting stitch-up. Er ... how did it go again? Oh yeah - like, 'we insist'"

Translation: PC Smellie gathers his mates around.

"Right, lads, spot of local bother but nuffink I can't handle.

Your job is to insist that I never broke no rules. Goddit?

My 'confrontation' with Miss Fisher was strictly kosher, yeh? Everyone taking notes?

The line is it's a put up job and I've been 'hung out to dry' by them brass upstairs. Everyone got that?

Because if I hear one word about me breaking the rules, me 'n' the lads will be round your miserable hovels and personally break every fucking bone in your fucking pooftah bodies. Geddit?

Now, read that back to me."

Sky News

Brown and Smellie - silly spoof (but it all helps)

Dept of 'They're out there'

Internet to the rescue ~ also that splendid pic of a protestor gesturing to a PC even more delrovian than The Smell.

I mean, that  is black. If you were nicked after midnight by that constable, all you'd see pouncing from the gloom would be a floating fluorescent jacket.

Excellent Ecomonkey: Bags of good stuff incl footage

A Pong by Any Other Smell(i.e.): I was discussing this case with a pal - a policeman, as it happens - and said that there was indeed justice in this world because, had PC Pong been a 7-stone weakling, he'd have been ribbed mercilessly by his fellow Filth.

My friend disagreed: I had it wrong. Del Boy had not always been a beefy bully but had set about body-building at an early age.

So early in fact that Smellie père had got a bit worried:

"You're always dahn t'gym, son. That can't be much fun, puffing and pumping like that.

Take a break, mate. Play some video games, throw stones at Mrs Wilkinson's windows, chase the neighbours cat ..."

Delroy shakes his head.

"First things first, dad: chief priority is to get big and tough - big and tough as you, in fact - then bigger and tougher.

Come home one day and punch yer silly face in for not changing our naffing name by deed poll.

*Then* I'll go out and smash some windows and fry that moggie over a bonfire."

There's a logic there.

Smellie Family Crest 'n' all that

Those hot wheelsters at zippy Pistonheads have some measured barbs on the subject.

[Also an impressive site for those of us who like to talk informed turkey about feisty 4 wheels]

Biting at the Teeth ~ Mildly interested in how PC Pong was faring elsewhere, I googled a few sites and made an interesting discovery: blogs with any sort of police connection or focus are noticeably more gauche and school-room illiterate than others.

The rozzer-ragging Twining Chronicles is a good example with that teeth biting phrase, grocer's apostrophe and wonderful nonsensical self-proclamation as 'A British Police News Feed'.

Face it, does that mean anything more than that they're in business to run rings round Slipper of the Yard and generally jerk PC Plod's chain (which they do with practised ease).

Anyway, the editors have clearly got it in for the Filth and their wide range of alert informants are right on the ball with coverage of constabulary cockups and policier prat falls of every hue. Speaking of which, I'm very jealous of the way they miss no opportunity to draw attention to when a cop is 'bleck' (as my Jo'burg friends pernounce it).

Ebony Del gets a right going over on this front and there's some pretty risqué joshing of grinning turbanites that they're lucky not to have had the baton twirlers round, beating on the printerie doors like tom-toms.

250 Complaints

Lowest Common Denominator: 'Delroy Smellie' is a gift to Google. New entries pop up daily, most exceedingly oddball and obsessed - led by my own blog.

Hyped-up vindictive scum? Pshaw! See how things have got out of perspective? If this sort of language and logic goes on, the case against PC Smellie will be weakened and by the time November 16 rolls round, there'll have built up such a catalogue of hysterical caterwauling that Pongo himself could sum up for the prosecution and *still* walk free.

'Stand firm,' indeed: Softlee softlee catchee monkey, if that's not too singiste.

Stay moderate of mood, temperate in language, and we should see Delbo' walk the plank.

Luton Outlaws - I note that one of my googlings for Officer Smellie dredges up the Luton mob and,

"The Avenue of Evil 8 posts - 7 authors"

and the offensive,

"delroy smellie the wog on the telly. Posted by durham hatter on September 28, 2009, 3:35 pm, in reply to "Delroy's in trouble - G20 protest 90.196.6.50 ...
members.boardhost.com/lutonoutlaws/msg/1254148534.html" [Sic]

Fortunately for us all, the full text has been deleted by some right-minded citizen

Simulated Aggro: What it's like for riotee Fuzz in the front line. (Here comes the PR Offensive Retaliation)

"I'm going to nick him": I'm not saying that Del Bo' would have acted this way - although it certainly smacks of the Smellie style - but this is the culture to which our Tone is accustomed and which is clearly condoned by Filth management.

A 50-yr-old (who actually works with the police) stopped to watch 7 or 8 fuzz manhandling a young black and ended up being charged and spending four hours in a police cell.

"There were seven or eight officers tugging at this teenager. It caught my attention because the youth looked scared and alarmed. I wanted to watch to make sure he had a witness in case he was hurt.

"But an officer spotted me and told me to f*** off. When I told him I knew my rights, he said to his colleague, 'I'm going to nick him'.

They then put me in tight handcuffs which was very painful."

"Not a credible witness" - and get this for a laugh: A charge of threatening and abusive behaviour was dropped after magistrates decided one of the PCs was "not a credible witness".

I'll say he wasn't - the default kneejerk reaction of today's Filth is to say and do whatever it takes to shirk responsibility and avoid blame.

It's against this background that PC Smellie comes up before the Beak on November 16.

10-yr-old sprayed with CS gas: Further to the stench of bred-in-the-bone bully-boy behaviour permeating our Police, here is classic Filth behaviour which I'm sure is in 18pt bold type in the manual as routine precautions.

When the Smell' goes down on Nov 16, he won't understand why. He's grown up in the culture, he's seen it from his superiors and their bosses' bosses ~ so why him?

In a way, he will be a sacrificial fall guy, a Bad Apple of Hesperides to shut the public up as the Rozzer Brains Trust regroups and plans how to proceed.

Don't point that thing at me: here's something to make the Smellie Brigade giggle - maker's suggestion NOT to Taser the poor bastard in the chest. Exactly the pointer they're after as to where it'll be fun and effective to zero in.

"Domestic Extremists" ~ Spotter Cards ~ As November 16 looms - Day of A-Tone-Ment for the Del Smell - it behoves us to remember the debased environment in which our policemen are trained.

The public is the enemy, to be spied on and hounded.

Lashing out à la Delroy becomes second nature to the good Filth soldier. Our lad was only doing his duty and following orders.

Spokesman: And here is the sort of gobbledygook spoken by Smell's superiors.

"Just because you have no criminal record does not mean that you are not of interest to the police," he said. "Everyone who has got a criminal record did not have one once."

That 'criminal record, not having one once' reminds me of that Cleese/Agatha Christie sketch where he is trying to get his tongue round the simple instruction that no one leaves the room.

Shambolic advice over shooter: I bet the Smell Del is praying not to be briefed for his Nov 16 Day of Infamy by any of the constabulary clowns who suggested John Leary walk a loaded gun to the station: "a big revolver, a passport and some cash. It had a long barrel and I could see the chambers were loaded."

What a circus. Poor Antoine, carrying the fall-guy can for this shower.

CPS: Enough evidence

Del Day coming up.

5,000 Whiners: Rum Socialist Worker headline about 'shocking' figures of complaints against the Met Filth riot squad.

Goodness, "over 5,000 complaints over four years. Only nine “substantiated”.

What's so 'shocking' about that?

We know how the police prefer to play it. In fact if those are the only numbers that have crept out despite Head Office's best attempts to keep them under wraps, you can bet your thwacked thigh that the real total is even more 'shocking', stunning, bruising, whatever.

As for only nine "substantiated", and thank you for those quotation marks, blimey - if our Bullies en Bleu (actually it's more luminous yellow these days, as per Tone's garb up there), can't swing it for the lads, what sort of gendarmerie do we have?

And I bet the nine careless enough to be 'substantiated' were nabbed for something pretty basic, such as Murder One or standing on a plinth in Trafalgar Square, electrodes on some Paki's goolies, yelling thru a megaphone

"So where's yer God? Run to him now, he can't refuse."

Yes, I do think the Soc Worker is being a bit naive treating all this as if fair play had owt to do with anything. I'm sorry - "fair play".

Babar's Black Sheep What perfect timing for this reminder of the fetid culture in which Constable Smellie's professional and people skills were honed.

"Serious, gratuitous and prolonged": Sounds like the cock-up job Gordon Brown's been doing on the country but no, it refers to the attack on a 'terror suspect' by five Metropolitan police officers for which the force had to pay £60,000 in damages.

But get this, an "initial Met investigation concluded that no officer should be disciplined."

Well, they would, wouldn't they? to quote the pert Mandy Rice-Davies.

Speaking of gratuitous, ever noticed how I never miss a photo opportunity to slip in a bit of skirt?

And you wonder why this blog keeps topping the charts?

Anyway, as I was leading up to, no Fuzz to be disciplined, no criminal charges.

The effing Crown Prosecution Service  that's meant to be on our side decided not to bring charges.

It should not take an appearance in the high court to extract from lawyers - acting for the Met commissioner himself, for fuck's sake - that Mr Ahmad up there "had been the victim of sustained violence."

Nice bunch, those officers, straight out of the Delroy Academy of Delicate Q&A: "stamped on his feet and repeatedly punched him in the head ... forced [him] into the Muslim prayer position while police shouted:

"Where is your God now? Pray to him."

I just love that last bit but I suspect you had to be there to savour the true subtlety of the occasion.

Yep, this is the cop culture we've sunk to which stalwarts such as PC Smellie don't just take for granted but expect ~ and yon learnèd magistrateness had better know his lines for Lundi because there's going to be a right ticking off if he dishes up the 'wrong' verdict.

So ... down to a few hours until our Bunfight oop 't Smellie Corral.

A mite sombre down the Tap 'n' Baton this weekend, I'll wager

Westminster magistrates court, Monday as ever is.

Six months in clinky if the Old Boy Network hasn't got its 關係 Guanxi act together and shown the Archon the "Path of Sense".

Censorship makes the heart beat fonder: A clear-eyed piece in the Saturday Nov 14 Teleg Review by Bernadette McNulty draws my attention to the intriguing Birmingham-set 1 Day which I now want to see.

What boiled my blood and has it featuring here is that some idiot PC Plod on the Brum 'force' advised the city's cinemas against showing it "for fear it would provoke gang violence."

How about clamping down on a few flicks for fear that they'll provoke *fuzz* violence? What's in yer sponge bag, Tony?

Bernadette's article seems not to be online yet but I'll post it asap. Meanwhile, check out the 'explicit' trailer and read the review - "brave but misconceived", eh? Well, here comes PC Brum to the rescue with extra publicity.

Bravo Shooting People for appealing to folks to protest.

November 16. Avrio, mañana, demain - tomorrer. Del Boy Day: A-Tone-ment for Constable Cosh.

Ooh to be a tsetse fly tonight on the wall of the 'Boot n Baton Sports Bar and Grill'.

"Cheer up, Tony. Might never happen."

"You say that one more time and I'll 'fisher' you, swear I will."

Press Association: The file's filling.

BAR THE SHUNTING

Et voilà - all over 'til the next time. The anti-climax we all expected.

Now for the deluge of assessing and soul-searching and breast beating - sorry, that's Antoine's patch.

Whichever, here's my cue to put a bung in it unless something quirky comes along.

For instance, This is London seems to be the only one reporting Nicola Fisher's 'dismay' at the 'culling' of evidential photos.

Denial: Smellie says No, he didn't do it. Mandy giggles.

On Film: Let's see that video again and hear from Miss Fisher

Clap Ham, here comes Smellie: I'm a bit unnerved that Delroy lives in Larkhall Lane London SW. That's my stamping ground, is Clapham, and a darned sight too close to Larkhall. I'm surprised I haven't seen him striding around. I wonder which boozers he uses?

Over and out ... I think.

Not quite - new footage of Filth Frolics

Some good hardass comments: That's what I miss, people using proper vocab. Like 'Doing bird', a clear definition of which I still can't track down.

THE CURSE OF RO'

I'm a huge fan of Toby Young and my Spectator reading usually goes

1. Liddle
2. Taki (down from #1 since Rod got so good)
3. Toby.

I like his style and am surprised I've only just come across what seems to be his own blog, No Sacred Cows - the sort of bumblingly not-quite-coming-off title he would choose.

His or not, there's a super foto of entrancing young ladies (above) and that's good enough for me.

He's particularly good in a recent Speccie on the cinematic atrocities wreaked on Roald Dahl's wonderful Fantastic Mr Fox which the Spectator is good enough to have online so that I can viralise it to my pals and, voici, share with you.

The further irony is that TY's measured rant appears in the same issue as the mag's film critic's own review and of course outclasses it hands down for both information and style.

Critic Rant: Everyone's got to do a job and tastes differ, but ever since the new critic appeared my eye has glided swifter and swifter over that particular section.

Oh dear, this started out as a bouquet for Toby and has sunk to a whinge about another writer.

But no, for the purposes of informing me and giving some idea of the quality of a movie, the critic is useless and in a highly irritating self-referential way. Some people can pull the me-me-me stuff off, this lady canNOT.

Oh and how embarrassing it must have been to have Mr Young blasting her out of the water on the same movie and in the same issue.

Bound to happen one day by one or other journo on the mag.

But back to the film in question and Young's well-judged boot.

Quoth Young: "The Fox family all have American accents and they shop at the Five and Dime. To all intents and purposes, the film is set in rural Connecticut, except that Boggis, Bunce and Bean all have British accents.

No explanation is offered as to why the three farmers happen to be British. Presumably, Anderson didn’t think one was necessary. They’re baddies, so they’re British."

Here comes the money shot: "Far more offensive, however, is the introduction of a new character in the form of Mr Fox’s only son, Ash.

In the book, Mr Fox has four children and they’re undifferentiated, so this character is a total invention on the part of Anderson and his writing partner, Noah Baumbach. Initially, Mr Fox is a bit stand-offish towards his son, preferring his more athletic cousin, Kristofferson (another invented character).

We’re told there’s something ‘different’ about Ash — he stands apart from the Fox clan and Mr Fox doesn’t invite him to join his criminal gang. But what is this difference, exactly? All is revealed in the film’s final scene, when we see Ash wearing what appears to be lipstick. The message couldn’t be clearer: Ash is gay."

At this point, it was Pass the Sick Bag time but Young went on to introduce my most favourite character of recent reading - his nonpareil wife.

Readers of TY's very funny and observant How to Lose Friends will know Carol as the mainstay of the slightly buffoonish (in a good way) Tobers, and early fans will have gasped as his family expanded at an astonishing rate, all good material for our scribe, and no exception here. I even gave a little cheer as TY wrote that,

"As we emerged from the cinema, Caroline was white with rage. She was so cross, she didn’t even want to go to the party."

Actually, How to Lose was also made into a movie, which I'm desperate to see despite Pegg annoying the heck outta me - but scant chance it'll come to Corfu and scantier that the local DVDorium will stock it.

But good excuse to splash this page with pics of babes, and this flick has many of my faves. Come to mention it, I think Kirsten asked for Young to be removed from her knickers for suggesting how she might play her part.

And our new Vicar's wife is from Connecticut, so I must suggest she sees this appalling-sounding Fox roobish and report back.

Dahl Snarl: I spent 10 years as a bookista PR hack and, for Fred. Muller's children list, would take my guitar on the road to plunk softly in the b/g as my author read to the tots - Sor, Carcassi, Carulli, namby stuff - and then in the evening get dirtier to seduce the hotel receptionist.

One dull break I was working on a John Lee Hooker instrumental - all rasping tones and hammer-n-claw stuff and grunts - and fellow scribbler Dahl came over and said,

"I dont suppose you can play that when *I* do my little act?"

It was soo Dahl - the song went "Mean mean black snake, sucking my rider's tongue".

We had to laff. Didnt do it of course but bully to that baad boy for spotting the chance to get down and dirty.

He's up there, aghast at the Wesleyan affront. The Curse of Ro' will make itself felt.

Grauniad feature: I'm a fair man [not ]. Anderson has sufficiently cocked it up with his ridiculous correctitude, so here's a video.