Police Sergeant 'Tony' Delroy Smellie

This hour's the very crisis of your fate;
Your good or ill; your infamy or fame,
And all the colour of your life depends
On this important now.

~ Dryden's Spanish Friar

EXTRA EXTRA! ~ Trial scheduled for Monday 22 March 2010.

Delroy Smellie pleads not guilty ... District Judge grants 'unconditional bail' until this time next year.

• Damn! Totally messing up my calendar:
  • There goes the World Water Day concert in Kochi
  • Janet - cancel my lecture tour
  • Simone, tell the Cranberries they'll have to switch dates.
  • Oh, and have Carla get Nick's girl to reschedule lunch. Not to worry about the motorcade if it'll screw with the circulation .

Prosecutor Nicholas Paul: The crown could present 23 witnesses.

"Obviously a lot of people were present ... but a lot of this can be dealt with by photographs and what has become the infamous DVD footage."

Sir, sir? Please, sir, your Prosecutorialness ... Dinna forget certain infamous bloggage. Plug plug.

Smellie to Court: Posted today, Nov 16, by efficient Getty Images under the caption,

"British police sergeant Delroy Smellie, arrives at Westminster Magistrates court, London, on November 16, 2009.

Smellie is facing a charge of assault after allegedly striking a woman without justification during protests surrounding the G20 Summit in London last April."

NOMINATIVE DETERMINISM

~ Deli Smellie ~ Magistrates Court 11/16 ~

A splendid new word, just what I needed for my own G20 coverage.

Anyway, here is a much-needed separate page for PC 'Tony' Delroy Smellie to track him to the very steps of:

Westminster Magistrates Court

A right bully he looks.

One who plays by his own rules and is no doubt equally loathed and feared down the station for throwing his weight around.

I trust there are 'colleagues' with scores to settle and a safe channel thru which to blow those distinctive Fuzz whistles.

Hélas - pas un dickie bird will happen: Greased wheels of cronyism will turn, the backroom boys and their legal lizards will ooze El Smell towards a 'vindicated' solution.

Common sense - not.

Sufficient evidence

Another reports it as 'assault'

Beat with baton

Footage

Reviewed the evidence

Smellie Deli - ma foi! That's what the snooty denizens of Kassiopi-sur-Mer call my darling Diellas supermarché!

Not just a tap: “He used his full force."

Oh do look at the expression on that other policier's face, just above Nicola's cap - too funny.

He is clearly thinking:

"Fuck me! I know Tone fights dirty but he's going a bit far this time.

I just hope to gawd no fucker's fucking filming this - at least, not wiv me in the viewer"

But Nicola is absolutely right, as is clear in all the videos, which I trust will be used in evidence against PC Smell

Also replayed constantly in Pongo's presence, his colleagues' and that of his superiors.

Also included with all his job application CVs, lest any of us forget the nature of this beast.

Look at that Big Mouth, lol. Takes a big man to bawl out a little lady.

He's probably yelling something like,

"Why don't I get to baton out bimbos like the hottie across there?"

Daily Star video clip report

[Also bona excuse to slip in the young lady featured on the mast-head]

Colleagues of Sergeant Smellie ~ "Nah, our Tone never broke no rules during his confrontalment with Miss Fisher.

Put up job, innit?

Del's a good lad, been 'hung out to dry' by them toffs on the 6th floor.

Disgusting stitch-up. Er ... how did it go again? Oh yeah - like, 'we insist'"

Translation: PC Smellie gathers his mates around.

"Right, lads, spot of local bother but nuffink I can't handle.

Your job is to insist that I never broke no rules. Goddit?

My 'confrontation' with Miss Fisher was strictly kosher, yeh? Everyone taking notes?

The line is it's a put up job and I've been 'hung out to dry' by them brass upstairs. Everyone got that?

Because if I hear one word about me breaking the rules, me 'n' the lads will be round your miserable hovels and personally break every fucking bone in your fucking pooftah bodies. Geddit?

Now, read that back to me."

Sky News

Brown and Smellie - silly spoof (but it all helps)

Dept of 'They're out there'

Internet to the rescue ~ also that splendid pic of a protestor gesturing to a PC even more delrovian than The Smell.

I mean, that  is black. If you were nicked after midnight by that constable, all you'd see pouncing from the gloom would be a floating fluorescent jacket.

Excellent Ecomonkey: Bags of good stuff incl footage

A Pong by Any Other Smell(i.e.): I was discussing this case with a pal - a policeman, as it happens - and said that there was indeed justice in this world because, had PC Pong been a 7-stone weakling, he'd have been ribbed mercilessly by his fellow Filth.

My friend disagreed: I had it wrong. Del Boy had not always been a beefy bully but had set about body-building at an early age.

So early in fact that Smellie père had got a bit worried:

"You're always dahn t'gym, son. That can't be much fun, puffing and pumping like that.

Take a break, mate. Play some video games, throw stones at Mrs Wilkinson's windows, chase the neighbours cat ..."

Delroy shakes his head.

"First things first, dad: chief priority is to get big and tough - big and tough as you, in fact - then bigger and tougher.

Come home one day and punch yer silly face in for not changing our naffing name by deed poll.

*Then* I'll go out and smash some windows and fry that moggie over a bonfire."

There's a logic there.

Smellie Family Crest 'n' all that

Those hot wheelsters at zippy Pistonheads have some measured barbs on the subject.

[Also an impressive site for those of us who like to talk informed turkey about feisty 4 wheels]

Biting at the Teeth ~ Mildly interested in how PC Pong was faring elsewhere, I googled a few sites and made an interesting discovery: blogs with any sort of police connection or focus are noticeably more gauche and school-room illiterate than others.

The rozzer-ragging Twining Chronicles is a good example with that teeth biting phrase, grocer's apostrophe and wonderful nonsensical self-proclamation as 'A British Police News Feed'.

Face it, does that mean anything more than that they're in business to run rings round Slipper of the Yard and generally jerk PC Plod's chain (which they do with practised ease).

Anyway, the editors have clearly got it in for the Filth and their wide range of alert informants are right on the ball with coverage of constabulary cockups and policier prat falls of every hue. Speaking of which, I'm very jealous of the way they miss no opportunity to draw attention to when a cop is 'bleck' (as my Jo'burg friends pernounce it).

Ebony Del gets a right going over on this front and there's some pretty risqué joshing of grinning turbanites that they're lucky not to have had the baton twirlers round, beating on the printerie doors like tom-toms.

250 Complaints

Lowest Common Denominator: 'Delroy Smellie' is a gift to Google. New entries pop up daily, most exceedingly oddball and obsessed - led by my own blog.

Hyped-up vindictive scum? Pshaw! See how things have got out of perspective? If this sort of language and logic goes on, the case against PC Smellie will be weakened and by the time November 16 rolls round, there'll have built up such a catalogue of hysterical caterwauling that Pongo himself could sum up for the prosecution and *still* walk free.

'Stand firm,' indeed: Softlee softlee catchee monkey, if that's not too singiste.

Stay moderate of mood, temperate in language, and we should see Delbo' walk the plank.

Luton Outlaws - I note that one of my googlings for Officer Smellie dredges up the Luton mob and,

"The Avenue of Evil 8 posts - 7 authors"

and the offensive,

"delroy smellie the wog on the telly. Posted by durham hatter on September 28, 2009, 3:35 pm, in reply to "Delroy's in trouble - G20 protest 90.196.6.50 ...
members.boardhost.com/lutonoutlaws/msg/1254148534.html" [Sic]

Fortunately for us all, the full text has been deleted by some right-minded citizen

Simulated Aggro: What it's like for riotee Fuzz in the front line. (Here comes the PR Offensive Retaliation)

"I'm going to nick him": I'm not saying that Del Bo' would have acted this way - although it certainly smacks of the Smellie style - but this is the culture to which our Tone is accustomed and which is clearly condoned by Filth management.

A 50-yr-old (who actually works with the police) stopped to watch 7 or 8 fuzz manhandling a young black and ended up being charged and spending four hours in a police cell.

"There were seven or eight officers tugging at this teenager. It caught my attention because the youth looked scared and alarmed. I wanted to watch to make sure he had a witness in case he was hurt.

"But an officer spotted me and told me to f*** off. When I told him I knew my rights, he said to his colleague, 'I'm going to nick him'.

They then put me in tight handcuffs which was very painful."

"Not a credible witness" - and get this for a laugh: A charge of threatening and abusive behaviour was dropped after magistrates decided one of the PCs was "not a credible witness".

I'll say he wasn't - the default kneejerk reaction of today's Filth is to say and do whatever it takes to shirk responsibility and avoid blame.

It's against this background that PC Smellie comes up before the Beak on November 16.

10-yr-old sprayed with CS gas: Further to the stench of bred-in-the-bone bully-boy behaviour permeating our Police, here is classic Filth behaviour which I'm sure is in 18pt bold type in the manual as routine precautions.

When the Smell' goes down on Nov 16, he won't understand why. He's grown up in the culture, he's seen it from his superiors and their bosses' bosses ~ so why him?

In a way, he will be a sacrificial fall guy, a Bad Apple of Hesperides to shut the public up as the Rozzer Brains Trust regroups and plans how to proceed.

Don't point that thing at me: here's something to make the Smellie Brigade giggle - maker's suggestion NOT to Taser the poor bastard in the chest. Exactly the pointer they're after as to where it'll be fun and effective to zero in.

"Domestic Extremists" ~ Spotter Cards ~ As November 16 looms - Day of A-Tone-Ment for the Del Smell - it behoves us to remember the debased environment in which our policemen are trained.

The public is the enemy, to be spied on and hounded.

Lashing out à la Delroy becomes second nature to the good Filth soldier. Our lad was only doing his duty and following orders.

Spokesman: And here is the sort of gobbledygook spoken by Smell's superiors.

"Just because you have no criminal record does not mean that you are not of interest to the police," he said. "Everyone who has got a criminal record did not have one once."

That 'criminal record, not having one once' reminds me of that Cleese/Agatha Christie sketch where he is trying to get his tongue round the simple instruction that no one leaves the room.

Shambolic advice over shooter: I bet the Smell Del is praying not to be briefed for his Nov 16 Day of Infamy by any of the constabulary clowns who suggested John Leary walk a loaded gun to the station: "a big revolver, a passport and some cash. It had a long barrel and I could see the chambers were loaded."

What a circus. Poor Antoine, carrying the fall-guy can for this shower.

CPS: Enough evidence

Del Day coming up.

5,000 Whiners: Rum Socialist Worker headline about 'shocking' figures of complaints against the Met Filth riot squad.

Goodness, "over 5,000 complaints over four years. Only nine “substantiated”.

What's so 'shocking' about that?

We know how the police prefer to play it. In fact if those are the only numbers that have crept out despite Head Office's best attempts to keep them under wraps, you can bet your thwacked thigh that the real total is even more 'shocking', stunning, bruising, whatever.

As for only nine "substantiated", and thank you for those quotation marks, blimey - if our Bullies en Bleu (actually it's more luminous yellow these days, as per Tone's garb up there), can't swing it for the lads, what sort of gendarmerie do we have?

And I bet the nine careless enough to be 'substantiated' were nabbed for something pretty basic, such as Murder One or standing on a plinth in Trafalgar Square, electrodes on some Paki's goolies, yelling thru a megaphone

"So where's yer God? Run to him now, he can't refuse."

Yes, I do think the Soc Worker is being a bit naive treating all this as if fair play had owt to do with anything. I'm sorry - "fair play".

Babar's Black Sheep What perfect timing for this reminder of the fetid culture in which Constable Smellie's professional and people skills were honed.

"Serious, gratuitous and prolonged": Sounds like the cock-up job Gordon Brown's been doing on the country but no, it refers to the attack on a 'terror suspect' by five Metropolitan police officers for which the force had to pay £60,000 in damages.

But get this, an "initial Met investigation concluded that no officer should be disciplined."

Well, they would, wouldn't they? to quote the pert Mandy Rice-Davies.

Speaking of gratuitous, ever noticed how I never miss a photo opportunity to slip in a bit of skirt?

And you wonder why this blog keeps topping the charts?

Anyway, as I was leading up to, no Fuzz to be disciplined, no criminal charges.

The effing Crown Prosecution Service  that's meant to be on our side decided not to bring charges.

It should not take an appearance in the high court to extract from lawyers - acting for the Met commissioner himself, for fuck's sake - that Mr Ahmad up there "had been the victim of sustained violence."

Nice bunch, those officers, straight out of the Delroy Academy of Delicate Q&A: "stamped on his feet and repeatedly punched him in the head ... forced [him] into the Muslim prayer position while police shouted:

"Where is your God now? Pray to him."

I just love that last bit but I suspect you had to be there to savour the true subtlety of the occasion.

Yep, this is the cop culture we've sunk to which stalwarts such as PC Smellie don't just take for granted but expect ~ and yon learnèd magistrateness had better know his lines for Lundi because there's going to be a right ticking off if he dishes up the 'wrong' verdict.

So ... down to a few hours until our Bunfight oop 't Smellie Corral.

A mite sombre down the Tap 'n' Baton this weekend, I'll wager

Westminster magistrates court, Monday as ever is.

Six months in clinky if the Old Boy Network hasn't got its 關係 Guanxi act together and shown the Archon the "Path of Sense".

Censorship makes the heart beat fonder: A clear-eyed piece in the Saturday Nov 14 Teleg Review by Bernadette McNulty draws my attention to the intriguing Birmingham-set 1 Day which I now want to see.

What boiled my blood and has it featuring here is that some idiot PC Plod on the Brum 'force' advised the city's cinemas against showing it "for fear it would provoke gang violence."

How about clamping down on a few flicks for fear that they'll provoke *fuzz* violence? What's in yer sponge bag, Tony?

Bernadette's article seems not to be online yet but I'll post it asap. Meanwhile, check out the 'explicit' trailer and read the review - "brave but misconceived", eh? Well, here comes PC Brum to the rescue with extra publicity.

Bravo Shooting People for appealing to folks to protest.

November 16. Avrio, mañana, demain - tomorrer. Del Boy Day: A-Tone-ment for Constable Cosh.

Ooh to be a tsetse fly tonight on the wall of the 'Boot n Baton Sports Bar and Grill'.

"Cheer up, Tony. Might never happen."

"You say that one more time and I'll 'fisher' you, swear I will."

Press Association: The file's filling.

BAR THE SHUNTING

Et voilà - all over 'til the next time. The anti-climax we all expected.

Now for the deluge of assessing and soul-searching and breast beating - sorry, that's Antoine's patch.

Whichever, here's my cue to put a bung in it unless something quirky comes along.

For instance, This is London seems to be the only one reporting Nicola Fisher's 'dismay' at the 'culling' of evidential photos.

Denial: Smellie says No, he didn't do it. Mandy giggles.

On Film: Let's see that video again and hear from Miss Fisher

Clap Ham, here comes Smellie: I'm a bit unnerved that Delroy lives in Larkhall Lane London SW. That's my stamping ground, is Clapham, and a darned sight too close to Larkhall. I'm surprised I haven't seen him striding around. I wonder which boozers he uses?

Over and out ... I think.

Not quite - new footage of Filth Frolics

Some good hardass comments: That's what I miss, people using proper vocab. Like 'Doing bird', a clear definition of which I still can't track down.