BRANDING GURU

Tamzin Lightwater (whoe'er she be) is a jewel in the Spectator magazine's crown.

I think I told Toby Young that I turn first to Rod Liddle, then his  Status Anxiety col at the back page, and then  to the splendid Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody.

I fibbed. I timed and tested myself with the latest issue and it was definitely TL's Diary that I flipped to even before the other diary that appears at the beginning of the mag and which I only stop at if I see it's Joan Collins or Barry Humphries.

No one else likes her here in the Corfu salons I ooze thru - which shows what a lonely existence I've tumbled into. Nor have I found anyone who has the faintest idea about Dilbert or Doonesbury or Craig Brown ... QED.

I should have sent out a q'naire before even hopping that plane from Seattle, 'D've saved me a ton of hassle and heart-break not to mention bilious plodding on the botanical treadmill.

Αλλά μπορώ να γίνω βαρετός. ... back to Tamzin.

I didn't really register the reportage of Gordon Brown's bizarre joggery until I read DNN, at which point I lay back on the divan and just hooted:

"Sometimes, something is so sad that it is better to just let it go.

We had a big brainstorming session on Sunday with policy people, image consultants, focus group teams. In the end, it was decided that Dave should go for it after all.

So he went jogging bright and early along the river this morning in black shorts. The contrast with poor old Gordon huffing and puffing in his baggy white Aertex could not have been more stark.

Can you believe it? He wore that outfit after the people in Number 10 took him in hand! Apparently until then, he had been wearing something even more horrible. Hard to imagine, I know.

Thankfully Dave gets the best possible styling advice from our branding guru Annamarie, who was spot on with her choice of ‘Time Out’ t-shirt and lightly applied pink blush tones over a healthy-looking olive base. And people complain that she’s on six figures."

Oh my dear ... "lightly applied pink blush tones over a healthy-looking olive base" ... that alone justified the €5.95 cover price. More more.

Belle de Jour: I know they say not to mix your stories but I'm not really because I've already mentioned the Meritocratic Toby Y and, anyway, who needs an excuse to pop in a pic of Deneuve?

It stops the readers in their e-tracks and gets them going back to line 1 and reading the whole thing.

Haven't read the piece m'self - too busy ogling Ms Catherine but it seems to be about that brainy student who worked off her student fees by turning lady of the night.

And speaking of La Deneuve, it's a glorious day so take that honey by the hand and sweep ye onto the patio for a romantic sway. Joe's in voice.