CORFUCIUS

VENETIAN VALETE

~ Venetian Well closing Sept 10 ~

I had ever such a nice comment posted this morning. I had to scroll back to see what I'd done or said wrong.

It was my post on clever talented Caroline Philp's Kyma Therapeutic arty periptero opposite the equally gaze-glazing Bam 'n' Boozle grub, glug and snub rendezvous.

Please note that Mr Nice-Comment, "Devid Pul", [as bogus a name as I've come across] let slip not just his unconvincing moniker but his work URL.

Corfu Luxury Villas, eh? Sounds terribly upmarché. Rush out and buy one while stocks last ... wait! they can't spell 'guarantees'.

At ease chaps, money back in purse. Corfucius he say,

Beware types who give selves flash names, flog posh pagodas but can't be fagged to use dictionary spell-check on one of the few words villa-hungry punters would actually worry about.

But back to Cruella de Philp (who can spell everything, which is handy because her chefs d'oeuvre include an awful lot of writing)

Like, one typo, or 'brusho' in this case, and it's whoops and woe betide the swain who was chatting her up at the time. Looks up at ceiling; whistles innocently

Sad sad news ~ the Venetian Well (whose catch-water all but flows in CP's veins) ... closing. J'st like that.

Tragic, emotional ... when you think of how long it's been dining and delighting us - since the early '90s?

THE FACTS - I had a full tribute planned, fanfares and history, photos and revelations ... all googled and filched from other sites, of course, so doxa to Theo that I happened to be chatting to la Carolina and realised in time that I had every single fact wrong.

HALF-HEARD RUMOURS:

That the Well isn't actually a well but a rain catchwater

That there exists a guestbook of all the distinguished diners who've noshed there: presidents, kings, movie stars, and the like.

That the Well was originally a girls' school

Facebook Photos - while I regroup and research for real, check out my FB photo album.

Now check out the Real Thing, cphilps' Venetian Well Facebook photos

REVIEWS - Reputation raiser or ruiner, Arturo Frömmer got it bang to rights in his crusty Frömmerian way

John's Corfu delivered one of his usual fine postings.

Agni Travel Forums - always on the ball and were the first to post my update alerting their members to the Sept 10 closure.

Best online tour

Guff I've plagiarised and will pass off as my own, along the lines of:

"The Well was constructed in 1699 by Antonio Cocchini.
Cocchini was a Venetian noble family - the modern village of "Kokkini" took its name from the family which probably owned the area back then - in the middle of a small square ("campiello" in the Italian language means a small square)
The whole area of Campiello probably took its name from this place."

And a feeble spoof of the poems that appeared in Private Eye:

So. Farewell then Venetian Well
Royalest of restaurants

They say you are closing
Forever.

What is the world coming to?
Is nothing sacred?

Keith's mum booked a table
But she never found you.
Lots of people had that problem.

Not any more. You won't be there to not find.

Years from now, some archaeologist
Restoring a priceless mural
Will uncover a Philp under the Leonardo.

The art world will go mad.

Lash for cash on September 10:
Final night, open invite to 'dismantle' the premises.

Wonder if the Mystère bunch will be in town?

Keith's mum can't make it but never mind:
I'm assured Caroline will cry. A real Kyma screamer.

Carol promises renting of garments and gnashing of teeth.
My shoulder will be ready. No greater turn-on than
A sexy woman snuffling and clutching for the Kleenexes.

Or is it Kleeneces?

Keith's mum says to wear drip-dry and go
"There there" now and then.

CLOSING SALE PARTAY, SEPT 10

You're probably too late to book.

Everyone I've reminded has come back with a