20 November 2012

BAD SEX 2012

~ what we're all good at ~

  • Full short list of Bad Sex Writers
  • The one skill we all lack in common
  • Vanity Fair
  • Winner to be announced at lavish December ceremony in London – and it is considered a badge of courage for the authors to attend to receive it in person.

  • Extracts from the shortlisted novels

  • The Quiddity of Wilf Self, by Sam Mills: Down, down, on to the eschatological bed. Pages chafed me; my blood wept onto them. My cheek nestled against the scratch of paper. My cock was barely a ghost, but I did not suffer panic.
  • Noughties, by Ben Masters: We got up from the chair and she led me to her elfin grot, getting amongst the pillows and cool sheets.

    We trawled each other's bodies for every inch of history.

  • Back to Blood, by Tom Wolfe: Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding, riding, riding, and she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing it with the saddle's own lips and maw — all this without a word.
  • Rare Earth by Paul Mason: He began thrusting wildly in the general direction of her chrysanthemum, but missing — his paunchy frame shuddering with the effort of remaining rigid and upside down.
  • The Yips by Nicola Barker: She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard.
  • Infrared by Nancy Huston: This is when I take my picture, from deep inside the loving. The Canon is part of my body. I myself am the ultrasensitive film — capturing invisible reality, capturing heat.
  • The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine: And he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate jumped the length of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high for her to lick. Right on the shoulder.
  • The Adventuress: The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox by Nicholas Coleridge: In seconds the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of Hohenzollern Castle: "Give me no quarter," he commanded. "Lay it on with all your might."


Simon Rixon said...

Just who is that stunning girl on the inflatable Chris?!

Corfucius said...

she is, isnt she? since the death of my mother ive been able to play host to some favourite ladies, plus in summer was incentive to keep the pool up to par.