14 February 2013

VANISHING VENABLES

Venables Vigilantes - As I keep saying, I'm un peu disappointed the Neterati still haven't run the lads down. You'd think with Django in the theatres they'd put some elbow grease into the job.

Phooey to the legal silencing - when has that ever stopped Those of Purpose? 


Still, every little mention helps and ... one day. 

Daily Mail ~ Making sure he stays clinked. The Mail does this sort of story best. 

12 February 2013

GRAVE-DIGGER BLUES

Listen, you can't show me an album cover like that and not expect me to post sump'n.

Cave - takes a dickens of a long time for Willie to load.

Psst, I'm right to hyphenate, aren't I?

The way the book jacket has it, it's more like Blès apo serioso shoveler.

Anyway, the song is a good 'un - when i finally gets going. 



10 February 2013

MEAN YEAR OF THE BLACK SNAKE

Gung hei fat choi and all that but I don't trust this new year so I'm playing John Lee to keep the ju-ju man away. Suck on that!

Also pinning up a charming CNY card (left) that an equally charming friend brought round and about which I churlishly commented, "But this has nothing to do with Chinese new year!"

'But everything to do with a peaceful year ahead.' 

Spot-on. A Daniel Cacouault.  

Oh all right - a smashing CNY photo by my old mucker Keith McGregor.






  • The year of the black Snake begins February 10th shortly after the New moon in Aquarius (my sign)
  • 2013 year of Snake is meant for steady progress and attention to detail. The Snake is the sixth sign of the Chinese Zodiac, the enigmatic, intuitive, introspective, refined and collected of the Animals Signs. Ancient Chinese wisdom says a Snake in the house is a good omen because it means that your family will not starve.
  • The Common Character of People Born in the Year of Snake = 

Reputed to be thoughtful and wise and to approach problems rationally and logically, seldom instinctively.
Such people are complex beings, they are clever and men of few words from their birth. Their business is always going well, but they are stingy very often. They are sometimes egoistic and conceited.
However they can be very active in their friends’ life. They are often too active, not believing other people and relying only on themselves. Snakes are also very insightful and naturally intuitive.
If anyone has a sixth sense, it's those born in the Snake year. This is partly what makes them so mysterious.Snakes come in all varieties of colors and patterns. And maybe that's why people born in the Snake year love to appreciate beauty. People with the Chinese zodiac snake sign are very stylish, fashionable and have exceptional taste.

People born in the Year of the Snake also have a sure touch in money matters but are also inclined to be greedy and somewhat egoistical. Determined and ambitious characters of Snakes take their failures hard. They are usually very attractive on the outside and inwardly, that, taking into consideration their frivolity, can lead to some family problems.

The Cosmic Element and Color of 2013 year of Snake
The 2013 year of Snake is Water Snake, Water Snakes are lucky with finances, they always seem to have money flowing their way. They are adventurous spirits and love to take risks. They are also very intelligent and often a wellspring of creative ideas. Water Snakes love to socialize and meet new friends.They are proud of their achievements, and also very thoughtful and considerate of others.
The colour of the 2013 year of Snake is Black. Black color is the Space, Arctic night, darkness on the Abyss, this is a color of deep waters. The Black Snake will bring people unexpected changes, instability, and changeability. That is why it is important in the year of Snake to plan everything beforehand, and evaluate adequately before taking any actions. You need to be more careful and cautious than ever.

The Overall Trend in 2013 Year of Snake
The 2013 Snake of year has ability to read complicated situation quickly in a controlled manner which is good for business. Signing documents of any kind requires very thorough attention. 2013 horoscope predict it is a good year to begin important detail work. Research and investigation are supported. The Snake has sneaky energy that can be to your advantage. Look for the holes in the loop. A new-found ambition to greatness will inspire you to be all you can be, and provide you with the follow through to actually achieve your goals, And, 2013 year of the Snake also supports added responsibility,
But 2013 Snake need to watch for fanatical commitments since Snakes inclination to spend money quickly than earn them may produce tensions in personal relationships. Create a safe space to work from this 2013 year. The Snake likes protection, needs to feel safe and secure to utilize its special analytical skills. This is the year to make headway in slow and methodical ways. Things will definitely be accomplished as you focus forward.

Other Details of 2013 Year of Snake
1. Ideal compatibility with: Ox and Rooster.
2. More or less compatible with: Rat, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep.
3. Absolutely incompatible with: Tiger and Pig.
4. Lucky colors for the Snake: Yellow, Red
5. Lucky directions for the Snake: Southwest, Northeast
6. Lucky numbers for the Snake: 2, 4, 7, and 9.
7. Monday is the lucky day of the week for Snakes.



09 February 2013

OLEAGINOUS PANGLOSSIAN STYLE

There was me and a pal mentioning Pangloss and up comes a clever competition in The Spectator to invent a cutting reply to one of those ghastly naff round-robin letters that I longed to invent and send to all the gardenry simperers on the Sans Lucre Rolodex.


The entry to the right caused me to chuckle. 

What the heck? Add a few more down there.



08 February 2013

POST-MORTEM PILLAGE

Interesting evening. I kept my trap shut but I needn't have. 

Mortuary Maul ~ There is, apparently, a highly-tuned efficient network of immediate turning up at a grande maison on the owner's death - with a flat-bed truck - and removing and good stuff while the beneficiaries are crazed with grief at the funeral or, more usually, booking a ticket over.

Nothing obvious, just the good stuff. And San Luca had been on the vultures' pecking list.

All very gentlemanly and discreet, and reserved for foreigners: turn up while the corpse is still warm at the undertakers, snaffle the moveables, and say no more nudge wink know what I mean? High echelon stuff. 1st XI filchery, between and from friends, RIP.

I'd dined an 'embedded' pal and neither felt up for it in the other sense of embedding so went went for coffee and dessert chez mutual pals who had amusing guests whose gin palace of which my companion craved and tour.

The VSOP went round and cigars perfumed the air and suddenly the chat turned to how much more difficult it was to plunder and how fewer were the choice hits.

That's when San Luca came up - maman's 40-year collection of decent chinoiserie blah blah. 

The last decent haul had actually been just round the corner - in and out - but that had been empty with only the retainers possibly in situ and they were Grik  and nae problème, whereas  Sans Lucre had been occupied (by moi) and erratically occupied. 

Which explained the drifters hovering around the gates and at which Sam barked on cue. I have just awarded him double rations, albeit 13 months late.

The amusing thing is that mum and me at the time enjoyed the full story of the pillaging and kicked ourselves at not having been Levantine enough to have thought of it ourselves.










GOOD BOOK ~ BAD BOOK

I posted about this in my Facebook page URLing both articles but then proceeded to gab about it to blog readers who hadn't the faintest idea what I was dementing on about.




Note my wit in keying the 'depressing' books to the Gardenry section of the Sans Lucre bibliothèque.

By the Dronings of Drakula! Such torture it was to sit across the table pinned to my seat by the endless blah blah, fah blucking flah rubbish rabbitings about the effing jardin and bilge botanique that goes with the over-blown hobby.

As a distraction, I used to doodle a map of the matriarchal jewel case and mentally move the tinsel around in accordance to my understanding and concept of the Will ~ and the won't.

Rent-a-page - I also had the clever idea when the droning became intolerable of rising from the torture seat across from the burble and making for the gardenry tomes (see above) and ripping a page or twa' from what looked or sounded like an offending book on the same subject.

Wasn't hard, sometimes even hurled whole volumes into the waggah depending on the punishment being dished to temper and time. Zounds! The Grimethorpe Colliery band could have marched thru the kitchen sans maman noticing my absence or the calming shredding of a glossy botano tome.



06 February 2013

CORFU VILLAGES

Bravo Steve Ford, who writes: 

I am well on the way to acheiving the sales needed to break even on the cost of the Corfu Villages eBook and as i write i am over 3/4 of the way there.

As soon as i reach the magic figure all sales after that will be available to give to the villages and charities of Corfu.

I have used every trick in the book when it comes to marketing.

As well as this Blog i have several Facebook pages including, Steve Ford, Corfu Villages Greece Ebook, Corfu Charities, Hawaii Bar Pelekas Corfu and Pelekas Village Corfu.

I am a member of the Corfu Grapevine, Corfu-forum and Agni forum, and have a twitter account for Corfu Villages....

Phew! It's hard work but i know it will be worth it.

I must apologise to the people and friends who are being bombarded with my daily attack on their privacy but hey! no pain....no gain.

So, as always, a BIG thank you to everyone who has bought the pdf ebook or the Amazon Kindle Edition, your contributions to the less fortunate in my second home is invaluable and will greatly appreciated.


Kind regards, Steve, ;-)


PS. Don't forget to tell your friends !!




WTF, EVOLUTION

Evolution? the most bizarre - if not stomach-churning - creatures i have seen. 

certes, could not have imagined them.


04 February 2013

BLUE SKY THINKING


 My birthday but i am at home under a blanket by the fire, mercifully sleepy from worrying about my thieving neighbours' reaction when they return from Germany to see the mess their border is in from the toing and froing in their absence. Everyone tells me to calm down and that it was their original theft of land that brought the subject up.


  • First they erected a fence 1.7metres into the land, blocking me from the DEH metre and stealing my land at a time when I'm trying to sell the place.
  • my topographer instructed his men to remove the fance and erect another well past the cypress roots border and into their land. His reason, to give me land that was 'legal' and save me being fined. I told him that i didnt want to be more of a land-thief than them. In my view, i had lost the moral high ground.
  • they moved it to where i had expected it, leaving large divots and a mess.
  • i am now petrified for their return and imagining my creeping around the house and dreading exiting in case they are there.

HOBBIES OF THE CARE RECEIVER ~ Had to smile wryly. Came across a letter from a caregiver group to whom i had for advice on dementia and my mother's gardenry hobby that wasted so much of my time and temper. The lady didnt read my letter fully. She advised:

  • It was good if the care receiver had a hobby to distract them and caregivers were allowed to lend a hand at the end of the day - within reason. Perhaps set aside a few minutes before the end of ones shift to join in.
  • For instance, 10 mins before official time up to help them with a bit of sky for their jigsaw. Or help with their knitting wool, gathering it to a ball.
  • But to keep a firm eye on the clock and not let it become a precedent or take up more than 10 minutes. If it ran longer than that, to report it to my manager and put an end to it there and then.
I remember the despair. 10 minutes. Huh huh. 

What an absolutely vile business it is. 


I wrote over the weekend to the aunt who seems to be my only 'company', telling her that one of the signs of cracking up seemed to be clearer dreams of excellent 'production values', very simple and life-like and flowing naturally - like perfect cameos:

  • standing in the kitchen, alone, every item crystal clear, and washing up the cutlery in the bowl in the sink (the perfect green)
  • walking down a garden path that always cost my balance, and tripping and catching a railing to stop pitching down.
  • feeding the goldfish - perfect colouring - and moving to the wind behind me so that the wafer thin food blew across the pond.
  • walking down a path and admiring the view.
  • parking the car at the gates on my return and enjoying the time before i had to join the dead dementia repeatia of dead stories of dead people, of more fah blucking gardenry flah drone.
Once i dreamed that we were all gathered together for some event but lived separately so none of us knew or had to suffer the reality of the lies and the thieving and the dementia droning ... there was some bovine care-giver whom me laughed at for her adherence to what she was paid for and sulkiness over being expected to garden and her overkill reaction to efforts by my mother to filch her belongings. It was all peaceful and respectful and when i woke it took me a few seconds to surface to reality.

  • All wonderfully crystal clear camera work and lovely little touches: Anna being here and we'd packed a picnic and when we set off, she had decided to drive and of course took us unerringly to our beach destination.
  • walking in town and suddenly round the corner, a dear friend from Seattle, joining us for a meal, telling old jokes i had forgotten.
  • at my amazon computer, the gang all round, and zipping thru a customer service problem using all the correct technology.
It made me wonder if shrinks had a way of gauging a patient's descent by the clarity of his dreams, like opticians go "is this better? is it clearer now? how about this?" Of course, the patient would need a set of standards, "not as clear as last night ... too factual ... lacking a smooth segue into meeting an old pal ... the colours were better in the dream where I was escaping to London."



  




PLEBGATE

Cheering piece - to me - good for Geoffrey.

"What was dismaying were the prejudices revealed by this affair. A deplorable number of people – including journalists, who are meant to be natural sceptics – had been ready to believe a patently implausible story, because Mitchell is a well-heeled, expensively educated Tory, and because "it was the kind of thing he would have said".
No it wasn't. The kind of thing he was likely to have said was, "I thought you guys were supposed to fucking help us". That's what he admitted to having said, and apologised for saying. What he would not have said was that the police should learn their place, or that they were "plebs".
This is an old story. When there's constabulary duty to be done, and it includes fitting someone up by means of invented evidence, our bobbies have always displayed the proverbial cloth ear. The words attributed to Mitchell came straight out of the Jeffrey Archer school of dialogue. Or maybe the mind of the nation has been rotted by Downton Abbey."
Also depressingly confirming my prejudices about the Filth. I actually rant on against them as a joke, but everything I rail about turns out to be truer even than my version.

01 February 2013

NEW CORFU GRAPEVINE FORUM


  • roll up oyez and all that.
  • new more robust forum created to field GV's loonier sillinesses. 
  • it may be missing the point - there are some vicious people around with smutty keyboards and i dont think they'll take kindly to being hived off to where they might go mano-a-mano with their own kind. 
  • a bit like being given your own to wall to graffiti over ... the fun is hitting  the grapevine itself and panicking the horses of the God-fearing. 




31 January 2013

FRIENDS GALORE

Glorious day, tramped and tramped and snipped and raked and measured and massacred. Sam in 7th heaven.



Also in waspish mood, reminding me how I am not ageing well. At my smallest minded petty-fogging nitpicking.


I felt like spending my birthday dining and entwining a dear lady who loves me most muscularly, and suggested either Bistro Boileau or Taki's.  

Her tart reply was that both were closed for the winter, an unwise gaffe from someone who is usually precise and informed. 

Before I even mentioned a rendezvous I'd need to see proof that the joint was jumping and that they did indeed have a fire blazing and that our table was booked atop the embers.

I am mulling my reply and it will be one to endear or elongate me.

But back to buggery, now that I'm back to fooling with the fone tapper: I recall some hilarious incidents, one concerning my supposèd host of friends:

"He has more friends than me," my mother would breeze, rubbing it in all the more that I actually knew no-one close.  I challenged this often and the response was always, "Well, you know more people than me." 

In that case, where are they? Where's the phone ringing off the hook, the crowds drifting from room, the cars blocking the drive? 

I used the 'talk to the hand' gesture as 'look in the mirror, look at what you're saying. I first used it about the jewels theft, how we both should look each day into the mirror of what the house had become - theft of time, of manners, of respect ... the double-theft of my property was a mere physical manifestation.  

 So when I listened in to a conversation with a pal who was visiting the next day, I knew how to run with this 'more friends' bit of blarney.

As we were chatting genially on the terrace, I confided,

"The way to handle the nonsense about my having all these friends is to listen to the incessant ringing of the phone and the jostling of vulgar pals, my invisible nights out and non-stop socialising ..."
This gave the impression that I was privy to the phone conversation and when I included my mother with a
"Yes, I was just saying about the way to nip my boasting in the bud about my wild social life and bulging address book of friends is to count the phone calls and  never-ending mob of 'friends' charging thru the house.",
thus giving the impression that the pal had confided in me.
Endless japes in this direction, quoting direct and seamlessly inserting my eavesdroppings into conversation as if we were one big sharing family ~ 'as you know, my mother prefers my brother's medical advice and diagnoses, but all it takes is lip-service in that direction and holding steadfast to mine and Yiorgas' plan.'

A vital ingredient of simpering is to agree and many actually did hold critical opinions which they'd even lower their voice en phone to deliver. These I'd recyle with the breeziest smile, as if recalling that day's weather forecast. 

It really is a most excellent device, no tape to run out or rewind. The only trouble is that I haven't worked out a filing system by which I can mark where conversations and content start and finish. I'm told that with my Tascam music gizmo I'm able to insert a single note at a precise place in a bar.

Speaking of music, Ben Harper and Charlie Musselwhite have a new album out ... a well-timed birthday. 


Found another lover - story of my life.

Erratum ~ fair do - I was wrong about Takis but the Bistro had outer lights blazing. Didnt see inside but it seemed to be open. 

Anyway, drop it. She's usually right and I have no intention of giving her satisfaction of being right here. Pretend I was thinking of Harry's, or suggest Famiglia

Anyway, Dido has a new album out so I was playing her and Grafton Street is a cute little numero. Wonder what the story behind that is.

When I went back to Hong Kong around '95 I was asked to write english lyrics to a local band's cantonese lines so i just went a bit wild and wrote over-soppy mysterious little stories to the tunes. They seemed to fit so I banked the cheques and thought no more.

The band got locally famous and I was told the lead chanteur wove a whole history round them to the point where the music press were actually trying to track down the women in the song. In two cases the chicks  owned up, 'yes it was me' and their lives fitted the lines which was weird. 

I also wrote fortunes for each Chinese New Year (Feb 10, this year, Water Snake, name day of my pals Hara and Zinonos.) 


I was so fed up with churning out the same old roobish that, for the Ramada Inn Wanchai, I decided to get detailed: "You are foolish to be away from your desk [very oriental, resonates from CEO to pupil], hasten home where family and business need your strong guidance. Fie on the mini-bar! But you will never learn, will you? Even bullish partners are not to be trusted. Remember what made you the success you are and retrieve that strength." Blah blah.

Eh bien, seems that a certain money-bags Mr Abe was staying, wrasslin' with alcoholism (minibar) and so out of touch with his own business that a palace coup was in place during his 5-day absence. Abe-san cut short his visit, returned in time to catch his trusted partner (Year  of the Ox) fiddling the books, heart to heart talk with wifey, routed lover, and saved the day.

Made lifetime booking with Ramada, donated moolah for new decor of the Wanchai and built another hotel ... declared their fortune teller a genius.

 My boss was pleased and said that a room in the new hostelry would be named to my choice, so I chose Stephanie which translates badly into See-tai-fun-lay, of which the Fun Lay amused us until they stopped being fun.

Little things like that. I believe there's still a Stephanie room, 6/F, harbour view.

UK CITIZENSHIP TEST

I'd certainly be in a Robertson jam if I had to pass this test to hike to points west of Calais.



CAREGIVER RECOMPENSE

Aide-memoire price range to gauge Caregiver pay  Caregiver list - $6.55 per hour ... to $8.55 per hour
Yahoo - $7.50
Filipino UK £6 - 7 per hour -  - filipino UK, low as can get

Gardenry - €50 per 4-5 hour day. Kosta paid around €10 per hour gardening

Call it €10 per hour

From and including: Monday, 1 May 2006
To, but not including : Saturday, 1 December 2012
It is 2406 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date
Or 6 years, 7 months excluding the end date

Alternative time units

2406 days can be converted to one of these units:
  • 207,878,400 seconds
  • 3,464,640 minutes
  • 57,744 hours
343 weeks (rounded down)
for some reason I've been calculating as 5 years 8 months.

rough calculation, 2006 to 2007, 5-hr working week, 340 weeks = 1700hrs.

4hrs a week on gardenry = 4 x 340 = 1360hrs x €10 = saving of €13600
caregivery = 1700 x €10 per hour = saving of €17000 on caregivery

total approx saving of €30,600 rounded up to €40,000 for the disgrace of having to perform useless gardenry hobby and generally being fucked around.

  • theft of jewels
  • connivance against health care treatment

THE PERFECT CHIP


 I've done us all a service by boiling (or frying) the Ashley Palmer-Watts interview down to something that, give or take a 'blast chiller' or two, we can all follow.

  • Choose potato: one with 21 - 23% dry matter (Whatever that is)
  • Pre-cut into 16mm diameter, square at the ends.
  • Place in mixture of 5% salt to cold water – that's 15g of salt for three litres of water.
  • Slowly to boil and simmer. The salt is to make the outsides crunchy, but the real trick is to keep boiling the potatoes for about three minutes longer than seems necessary.
  • Ensure potato is visibly breaking up on the outside, so that when you come to fry it, the fat can work its way into the heart of the chip.
  • Remove chips from water and place in blast chiller to remove excess moisture. Those without a 'blast chiller' (whatever that is), bung in fridge for half an hour to an hour depending on moisture content of potato, temperature of fridge and how full it is.
  • First fry – in a blend of 30% beef fat to 70% vegetable oil at temperature of 130C for between four to 15 minutes depending on the potato. This is to create a 'membrane' round the outside of the chip.
  • Remove chips from fryer and put back in blast chiller to remove further moisture.
  • Final fry: turn up heat to between 180 and 190C until chips have slightly glassy sheen on the outside.
  • Dollop on the Heinz.