Καταπατητές θα Τροφίμων για το σκυλί

I have no idea if the title accurately spells out 'Trespassers will be food for the dog', but it came in useful the other night when dealing with some harmless trespassers and their kid.

Usually one can see down to bits of the drive and, certainly, I remember being able to see whether the front gate was closed.

It's just a jungle now but since no-one visits, WTF?

Eh bien, some little Yanni gave a f*** the other night because I locked him in with skilful timing from the kitchen of the electric gates.

Muah ha ha and all that.

Was watching tele when i realised that Sam was barking non-stop at something down below.

Out i went and gave him the usual fondle and biscuit for doing his token barky show to keep intruders away.

Then I heard this kid's voice and parental type voices, which i chose to interpret as

"Hey, mummy/daddy, I'm inside this big garden and it's such fun to play hide-and-seek."

To which adoring mater/pater bill and coo:

"You play on, darling - make yourself at home. We're right here."

Except they weren't quite there because I listened with Sam as he barked louder from the patio as kiddie voice advanced up towards us in the gloom.

Then I went into the kitchen and pressed the buzzer to close the gates.

Oh what a to-do! It seemed the parents weren't watching the gates because it was the kid's voice descending the drive back to the gates that signaled he'd come to his way barred. Then a duet of parental hollering (surprisingly, no terrified weeping from Junior) and much woofing from Sam, encouraged by me dangling biscuits in front of him to keep up the noise.

I had a jug of wine near me so I was set up for some fun and games - kid on the inside, parents on the outside, iron gates, baying Baskerville ... and no apparent reason for litle diddums to be suddenly trapped within.

Sredni Vashtar - I adore H.H. Munro and see 'Saki' situations wherever I can.

The gloaming. Inviting path and garden for little Spiros to explore as mum and dad dally outside.

Ignore the silly noisy dog, he ain't showing himself so it's all for show

The evening closes in. Less visibility. Mebbe time to head home. "Call Junior, will ya, hon?"

Suddenly, gates swing sinisterly closed.

Oh boy - 'Saki' meets Miss Haversham. Shudder.

In fact, Sam may be timid but if I need him to find someone - or thing - he'll check all the bases.

If the kid stumbles down some cul-de-sac stairs, he'll be found.

Horrid me. I let the voices start their crescendo and then hit the button again for the gates to creak open. Lack of visibility prevented me seeing if they did, but i heard the change of tone of panicky voices.

Damn'd useful, that auto button: when we had people simply driving up to look at the house and then reversing and driving away without a by your leave, I'd hit the button and they'd see the gates closing as they rounded the drive.

No chance of reversing, so one of them would have to walk back up to the house to snack on Humble Pie (ταπεινός πίτα?) and ask Mum to re-open. (I would have vanished by then and Mum never got the hang of the button). I couldnt tell if they did because