DON'T WANT SQUATTERS?

Fuck off, you racist

My tough landlady in Clapham SW4 had one of her properties be-squatted - could NOT get them out and even then the law was agin her.

Drowning her sorrows in The Plough, she got in convo with Terry her carpenter who said he'd walk his dogs by her property later that evening. Big buggers, not always obedient.

Terry had made the catches on the windows so he knew how to slip them. The three of us heaved the Shepherds over the lintel and let them cruise.

Reminded me of the conquistadors who'd send their killer giants down to the villagers and then head down and pick up the pieces.

"Now where them bleeding dogs gorn? Bloody hell, theyre in the house. Oh my fucking god! Come 'ere you bastards. Uh oh, dont sound they're being a bit friendly. Oy! Show them your occupants papers and they'll quieten down."

Worked a treat.

"Joe Carroll, 78, East Kilbride, Strathclyde had gone to the police station to ask officers to make routine checks on his £150,000 three-bed detached home.

The retired electrician was concerned about a scam being carried out by migrant criminals in which people’s homes are seized and locks changed after they have gone.

Chief Inspector Neil Kerr yesterday admitted one of his officers had given Mr Carroll some “advice”.

He said:

“Strathclyde Police can confirm that a 78-year-old man attended East Kilbride police office for home security advice, which was given by an officer.

The man made comments the officer felt were inappropriate.”

He said any complaint would be investigated but added:

“We are not aware of anyone making a formal complaint.”

Stupid effing EK filth and even stupider CI Neil Cur.

His correct response would have been:

"#@! - that stupid McWanker - i spotted him as a kilted cult when he first signed up.

Right, he's out and I'm sending round a family of Serbs to making themselves at home and see how he feels about that.

Racist that, you McBerk!"

ANAGRAM FAIL ~ I'm using it as a sotto voce greeting salute for when I cruise the project.

I'm pronouncing it 'Garmoo Nar Hengoo' like some Disney concoction for the Lion King.

GahMoo NaHengu, brother.

Hilarious last-ditch bid to pin Cheryl Cole with the racism tag simply for booting the lack-lustre anagram, Miss Gamu Nhengu, from the X Factor.

Why can't people simply be sub-standard and not up to the competition? Why do nutters always come out of the woodwork and squeal on about race or colour or their silly voices - or even their non voices?

By leaping around and thumping the cauldron, they only attract attention to the how ludicrous is their complaint.

No one would have heard of Ms N'hengu or checked out for themselves her drab audition if these racialist berks hadnt started up their tom-toms. Now we all know why the failed the cut and stand alarmed that she made the bottom rung in the first place.

Cowell versus Home Office: Simon steps in to save Anna Gramu from deportation.

I can't wait to see the report of his squashing. Cheery bugger - playing the Almighty again.