08 May 2010

BALLIOL BUFFOON

“Why did they even have this brainstorming session in the first place?"

The moment I heard of the puerile papal prattery, I shuddered:

"That is FCO territoire.

And we know from whence the FCO recruiteth.

Pray God it isn't some Balliol buffoon."

But I knew it was because the standards now are so low that they even creep into God's own college.

Sure enough:

"Mr Mulvain was educated at the £9,279 a year King's School Tynemouth, and studied English at Balliol College, Oxford."

  • Stupidity and lack of judgement beyond belief - measured piece by Christopher Meyer

  • Clueless about Catholicism ~ enter the even seniorer bufone.

    Oh fer Gawd's sake - do me a favour!

  • Anjoum Noorani? Noorani??
  • 'Leader' of the Papal Visit Team?
  • A 'diplomat'?

    I could have told you from here that a shower like that would be 'ineffectual, disengaged and clueless.'

    I mean, you only have to look at him.

    Talk about a majuh bish, yah?

    Bad enough releasing his name but to rub it in with a ruddy great photo ... I dunno.

    Seriously, look at that smirk, that bongo nose, the sheen on those blubbery lips.

    A 'yah' man thru and thru.

    Oh and you know what? He'd team brilliantly with PC 'Lash' Delboy Smelliegogs. I can't believe the Balliol careers officer let Noorers escape the Filth. He has that 'Look', the boasty jaw and the foolish hanging of the nether lip.

    But I digress. Back to the most shaming blow. Imagine my despair when I saw that Nitwit Noorani is also a Balliol man. I do wish the Telegraph had excised that final, cruellest cut.

    Some years back, my college was known for its multitude of undergrads born under sunnier skies.

    There was a delightful story of a showing in an Oxford cinema of Sanders of the River. So there's Paul Robeson leaning to the oar and suddenly some bright spark chirps up,

    "Well rowed, Balliol!"

    Clearly, the dusky input remains unchallenged but the more appropriate salute should be,

    "Well bolloxed, Balliol."

    My nose tells me that this has legs.

    Speaking of noses, look at the varlet. Standing there all lahdy dah, smug contempt oozing. One of the elite.

    He's too sexeh for his chasuble, too sexy for his incense, too sexeh for the Pope.

    The press will have a field day questioning all the cockups:

    • Recruitment standards
    • Oxbridge output
    • Nits like Noorani
    • Fertile ground for a class-ridden twat-hunt.
    • Lord knows what the civilised Roger Lonsdale thinks of all this. Dottore L might even have tutored Noorani - oh eeuuww, what? Having him slime around the Lonsdale sanctuary?
    • Carl? Was the agile Carl Schmidt also encumbered by these jerks?

      Enough! That way lies madness.

    What it does bring home is the lack of 'high seriousness', as we used to call it, among even those who should instinctively know better.

    The litany of sloppy attitudes and behaviour in this dismal incident is telling:

    • The Noorani Twit is described as having, "worked as press secretary at the British Embassy in Russia [dealing] with all Russian media inquiries about Britain’s response to the murder of the former KGB agent Alexander Litvinenko." Gawd help us.
    • Rightly, Papal aides believe the Government’s choice of non-Catholic staff typifies the lack of respect being shown towards the first ever state visit by a Pontiff:
      “The most striking thing about the Foreign Office team has been how ineffectual they are. They have been disengaged and, frankly, clueless.

      “I have never had the impression that any members of the team were informed or even sensitive to the Catholic Church or Catholicism generally.”

    • As one senior Catholic commented:
      “This does beg the question of how seriously this visit is being taken by the Government.

      “All of our dealings with this Foreign Office team have suggested they don’t have any understanding of Catholicism and that’s how this issue seems to have come about.

      Get this ~ “Why did they even have this brainstorming session in the first place? The Pope’s itinerary was decided a long time ago, so it’s not as if there was much room for extra events to be laid on.”

      Doesn't that just say it all? Well rowed, Balliol, indeed.

  • Good rolling thunder Twitter building
  • FB 'Buy wanker Mulvain a drink' link. I'm not sure why - both twerps seem equal malakas.
  • Effortlessly Balliol ~ Facetious rudeness to an honoured guest. The trouble here is that, to carry this sort of thing off, one has to actually have the touch of Balliol in one.

    I know about the quota of overseas inputs etc etc but one still hopes they'll rise to the occasion once in situ, or at least keep schtum that they trod the hallowed halls.

    Popegate is a perfect example of the appalling consequences of the nooranisation of hallowed institutions. Sic gloria.

  • Of course, the buzz is that the Papal team aren't bona fide Balliol scholars at all - look at the memo, complete lack of wit. Dead giveaway.

  • Angry backlash ~ is it rolling, Bob? Can you hear the gathering thunder? This topic touches nerves and will have legs.

  • The job:
    The post of head of the Papal Visit Team had been advertised and officials had stated:

    “Prior knowledge of the Catholic church is not necessary.”

    Ironically the advert noted:

    “High levels of tact and diplomacy will be required.”

    I don't even have to invent this. Let the witch hunt begin.

  • Paki ~ but not Muslim (for what that's worth)

  • The 'Dick': Do read the splendid far-from-retiring Major D. Swami.

    Goodness Golli Me, to paraphrase Sellers, P - and was I not just moments previously telling you of NoorGate being having legs?

  • Balliol man suspended - say no more. The disgrace is complete. The windows are crêpe-lined along The Broad.
  • Or it it? Cherwell begs to differ. "Let off with a slap on the wrist", eh?

    "Diplomat" - I wish they'd stop calling Anjo' a diplomat. It shames all those who sail under that noble flag.

    Delectable Lucy Mangan ~ her usual witty weekly self, painting a picture of the Noor Boor being suspended "by his thumbs while wearing a cilice and being flogged by an outraged monk." There's imagery for you, guys and gals.

    "Moved from blue-sky thinking ... to solid, grounded experience. I'm sure this will reassure everyone."
    What in God's name is meant to be reassuring about idiot diplo-speke like that?
  • UrDirT: All the staff involved ... are to be sent on “urgent diversity training
  • “As we have made clear publicly, it was a foolish document that did not in any way reflect FCO views."

    Fuck FCO 'views' - who cares what their ignorant identikit robotic 'views' are.

  • What's so depressingly nooranic about this whole deBalliol débâcle is the way it exactly reflects the calibre and training of that entire bungling bufone FCO staff.
  • Twit-oorani

    'Clever’, 'affable' ... but lacking the ‘common-sense gene’~ To me, that spells Horse's Arse butthole.

    Idiots, dolts. You don't slice, dice and Occam-razor a person. You take the whole (or, as here, the Hole) and ask is he fit for purpose? The answer in the case of Anjers is a nooranic raspberry.

    Look, too, at the damnation by feeblest praise from the wets they drummed up:

    • 'He's brilliant but lacks the common-sense gene'
    • 'Extremely bright and always full of ideas. He should have gone far in his career, but we always knew he was going to come a cropper.’ In that case, no 'career' and therefore no 'should'. I wish people would grow up and live with reality. The Noor boor was a loose-cannon liability and shouldn't have been allowed to let the side down even as an inconsistent tea-boy.
    • 'Flamboyant lifestyle and fondness for the city’s nightclubs.' Dead giveaway. Mark of a loose-tongued fakir. As I said, that Balliol careers officer wasted all our time not pointing this bogus wastrel straight at the wank rank of the Filth. He's a born rozzer. Look at him. The evasive eyes, the uddery lips, the light dancing off that facial sheen of shame.
    • 'Suave and expensively dressed, he attracted the attention of admirers ... I have never seen such an ideally beautiful man in my life ... Tall and slightly dark-skinned, huge oil-coloured eyes, ideally dressed, ideal style ... Eyes to sink into ...'

      Slightly dark-skinned?

      SLIGHTLY dark-skinned??

      Are you out of your mind, you colour-blind bint?

      You only have to see that photo. He's flippin' black as they come. No, blacker ... he's Balliol, you big girl's blouse. Wakey wakey! No-one can be that obtuse and colour-crass over hide hue.

      There's dusky, there's black, there's black as sin; there's black as night and then there's NooraNite, known among da bruthas as 'noora-nwah

      When the limo company asks which windows I want - 'cause sometimes you secretly do want the punters to see the glam company in which you're cruising - I say Nur'n Noir to sound like Nur'nburg ... Nur'n N'wah, make it look trad and local as if I've gone troppo in the Tropics.

      "Fo' da limo? Noor' Moor, 'f course"
      .

      Did your [grand] parents never watch the Black & White Minstrel Show?

      Is there no sense of proud history left in this country?

    FO culture so pervasive, so homogeneous [that] such anjoumish thinking went unchallenged for so long".

    ReNooranisation (that's the name of the game)

    Anjoum Shrugs ~ And on goes NooraGate - and on, and on.

    It wouldn't be so bad if the press reptiles weren't including the same smugshot of our full-lipped lad's "slightly dark-skinned" features, complete with those "huge oil-coloured" peepers.

    How did some panjandrum so pithily put it?

    "I don't care what those FO types look like, so long as they stay inside, keep their traps shut, and don't frighten the horses."
    Ulp. Nooranised as charged.




    -
  • 4 comments :

    Aris said...

    Were you Balliol? I only ever went thee for the cheap booze- they made a conscious effort to encourage passing trade in the mid-2000s to liven the old place up a bit.

    But then I was Hugh's, always infra dig despite letting stolid menfolk such as myself in. I dilettandedly studied medieval Tibetan historiography for a year, and was quite freaked out by the name 'Aris' being scrawled on many of our (photocopied) set texts. I thought I was being stalked by a dumpy loon until I belatedly realised the eminent historian Michael Aris (Aum San thingy's husband) had photocopied them and was trying to claim back expenses. Ooops (or indeed, opa).

    In my day... the Union was the place to go. I remember getting spectacularly pissed on champagne paid for by Pres. Musharraf, which was nice of him. My housemates cooked pasta for Evo Morales once, but I was away taking part in the infamous 'gay horse' debacle. Et in Arcadia ego...

    Busker said...

    Nice bit about Aris.
    I went up in 1965. Long time ago. Not an anjoumalaka in sight.
    First digs was Holywell, Russell Meiggs warden, Christopher Hill Master.
    What an awful thought, encouraging passing trade. I hadnt realised the dire depths to which Balliol had been nooranised.
    How very sad. I must send the bursar a cheque.

    Aris said...

    Gosh, I went up 40 years on (c) Alan Bennett.

    Passing trade sounds awfully Joe Orton/Kenneth Williams; It wasn't quite like that. No guardsmen, or anything.

    Your antipakistaniestablismentarianism does sound quite outdated... the Prez of the union was Kashmiri in my day ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruzwana_Bashir ) and she was exceptionally hot, if equally mad.

    I ended up living with Americans (just imagine!) in Jericho, they were called WISCS. All sent over from Ohio or wherever to beef up college funds, despite being unutterable idiots. I spent 3 hours trying to convince one a curry isn't a type of tree. I bet she still doesn't believe me.

    The worst of it was I had some fat Spams (as we called them in the Army *sniff* write critically about me: http://oxfordblues.blogspot.com/2005/02/england-dont-believe-pr.html

    You'll be pleased to know i've followed his career religiously, and it's shit.

    Busker said...

    Thanks. Good comments. I must look up your links.

    I am very outdated in every way and across the board and I get even more so when I put pen to blog.

    Of course the Kashmiri Union Prezina was hot. They *are* hot and they're also dashed clever, always have been.

    I didnt know anyone at college when i arrived so i started off dining alone, as did another newbie, an american called bill bradley, a rhodes scholar.
    one luncheon Bill came in with some sports gear and said he was trying out for the college basket ball team. I didnt want him to be too disappointed so i warned him not to raise his hopes too high. 'Some of these chaps are county standard,' I warned him. Bill thanked me for the caveat.
    As it turned out, Bill himself was no slouch on the court. Years later he proved himself no slouch in the political stakes.