Kύμα Therapy

As most folks know, I try never to say anything nice about anyone. Against my principles, especially when it's a question of complimenting some writing, daub or musicking.

Woot! Knives out, bovver boot in.

But what I can't resist is those cosily aloof types ~ all wan 'n' wistful.

Bang, crash; straight onto the floor. Out for the count.

I know, a bit kinky and I'm raising it with my shrink.

Scenario :

Newsagent

'Mornin' Kosta'
'Kali mera, Bill'
'My copy of 'Big 'Uns' in?
'Over there'

'Mornin' Kosta'
'Ya sas, Mister Henry'
'My copy of 'Asian Babes' in?
'Next to 'Horny Housewives'

Holmes ~ 'Morning, Kosta. My Wistfuls Weekly arrive by any chance?'

Kosta - 'By the thong of Theseus, Christo! How many times I tell you - keep your voice down! You want me busted for porny peddle?'

Sorree! And off I trot with my plain wrapper to ogle the latest crop of sad-eyed ladies of the Lowland.

Centre-fold - Ooh! Melancholy Maureen of Marlborough ... look at that sad moue and quivery lip ... swoon grunt.

I can't think of any other reason for writing again about the carolinian crafts of Kyria Wistopoulou of Kondokali.

Kύμα/Kyma ~ Greek for 'a little wave of gifts', hence the link to the tune.

It should have been Caroline, as in tribute to the Boss Lady, but this is a manly blog, no Big Girls Blouse chansons, mkay?

Plus, all that corny linking to a song ... frankly, it doesnt work.

The ladies have that extra chip that flashes an Error sign when Y-chroms get silly.

Bwaarp! Achtung! Twat at play.

Ecky thump! Another bubba bites the dust.

Cool stuff ~ Unusual and unique painted gifts for your pals and preciousest.

Oyez! Heed me - this is where you pick up that killer gift for Her Back Home.

You might also spot something for the wife.

Drift wood signs ~ 'Dun Wankin' ~ 'The Rumpus Room' ~ Hombres' - Show her the baubies and Carolina will fix you up.

Portrait commissions ~ check out Caroline's Facebook wall snaps - stunning. A real skill with faces and physiques. Might even make your kid or missus look vaguely human. Joke.

Where - You can find Kyma in Kontokali near the entrance to the marina, opposite "The Navigators"

Tel: 0030 693 387 6462.

Website

Email

Tessa Margrethe Cross ~ Not for the faint-hearted.

White Mountain Wistless - Major Babes always have 'A Friend', am I right? One minute you're chatting them up all smooth, best Hugh Laurie Player Pleasantries ~ next, up sidles aforesaid 'Friend' and you know your moments are numbered.

"Oh, there you are ... Chris, this is my friend Tessa"

Firm shake of hand, offer of seat and a drink ... smiley smiley ... but behind the crinkled eyes and perfect gleaming teeth ... it's like

"Ayup, wot've we got here? I've got your number, mush.

Tread real careful, I've met your species of lounge lizard before. Real careful."

I kid. But if I'm paying tribute to La Philpa, I have to salute her smashing pal, Tessa.

There. Tribute paid, kept it short because T has short shrift with smarm. (Just as I was getting into the oily swing of things)

Par exemple, that artistic photo yonder. Fine example of colonial chinoiserie.

They were fixtures on every corner of a mandarin's house: the monsoon rain pours into the tail and gushes forth from the mouth. Magnificent sight. My grandparents' mansion at Shau Kei Wan had them on every corner and we'd stand beneath and let the drenching begin.

Miss Tessa would notice the shadow of the tap and enquire archly,

"Brewers droop?"

I joke. She's a darling. But I tread careful. I've seen her in her pirate gear: very walky planky.

Moonshine - I had to snap a Kyma leaflet leaning against a jar of my mum's fermenting next batch of San Luca moonshine.

Double double toil and trouble: Powerful brew, doth maman concoct. Right now it's at its Macbethian Jim Beam-meets-double fillet of a fenny snake, eye of newt, boring old toe of frog (Scovto does some good ones), wool of bat, blind-worm's sting ... got a right oomph does Mum's Mix Special.

Offered some to that Charlie Sheen when he popped in for tea:

"Dude! [splutter gasp] Got any anti-freeze or chilled arsenic? Rough night, last night, I think I'll ease back into the sauce with a soft drink."