Tattle tale of 1,000 comments

TALE OF TWO ISLANDS

Ferocious battle brewing over ITV's documentary on Corfu (8 episodes, oct 11 - nov 29; props to heroic Domonic for cool tubing as the rest of us flailed round bad-mouthing and bitching)

Oh poh poh! The ferocious tribes oop t'north donning warpaint and wode and really laying into the Us/Them/Rich folks/Po' theme.

If it achieves one thing it'll be to have opened eyes to who else strives here in the Brand GB ghetto.

Only 2 episodes but minds are set on wot it's all abaht, Alfie

Cannot wait for next Pempti 25th's transmission when, i hear, the tumbril rolls with some of my favourite toffs aboard: a very clever writer/antiques dealer and, i assume glumly, his wonderful wife who must surely have demurred firmly with many an aristo glare. And another couple that I too fear to mention. You will spot them.

Now that the series is showing and the chattering salons are abuzz, I cannot believe the old school haughties who fell for it.

Not my boy, Sinbad: Carrie was too canny.

Pity because some of the UK mags I foist my scribblings on had asked me to submit whatever mischief i chose to submit as an insider and i would have done for Badders with a Grossmith job on his appearance. Perfect target, Lupin setting it all up with the Holloway Comedians invited. Carrie in her new smock-frock dress. Camera lights, action! Camera pulls back to show a game of 'Cutlets' in progress. Just when it can't get worse, knock on door. Mr Perkupp (alerted by me that a suave soirée would be en train chez Spiti Simon.) I might do it anyway; wonderful exercise.

The Corfu 'Grapevine' has really come into its own and the island will never be the same. I am taking careful notes of the chief players and brayers and copying some of the more 'bullish' comments to post into the article.

Turned maman's bedroom into a studio for the Strat and the draft first verses wrote themselves:

TALE OF TWO ISLANDS

"Tale of 2 islands, 'Normal and the 'Posh',
Corfu credentials and all that hogwash

Tale of two islands, tale of three divides
Sidari down to Kavos, theyre all taking sides

chorus: Denise Kyma caring, Caroline in Salt
Me i'm in the dog house, everything my fault

Tale of two islands, six more to go,
Natives gettin' restless, the rich and the po'

[Wild frantic solo, much tremolo bending and opahs! Surly demands to 'show me thy credentials!' and "woss yer corfu 'history'?"]

... a Tale of Two Islands, sand and shining sea,
Don't miss the dogs n donkeys,
And specially dont miss me. "

Lawd have mercy!

Needs wailing harp from Big Jim and I want to add some grik verses that i'll pass via Maria for tightening and vernacularising as only she can do.

More, much more anon.

And I'm so pleased with Caroline's daubs of me as Rockfist Rogan that I'm showing them orf here.

Meanwhile my pale version of Carrie sends me pics of Mexican TV's weather hotties.

Unembarrassed contempt for people Not Our Kind: we sneer and jeer at the Posh vs Squash divide, but apparently it still exists.

Hark the good old Torygraph; food for thought.

I must read the Vine bleats with greater caution and respect.