Shucks darn gee whizz

Waal pard'ner ... etc.

Funny old world, or rather it isn't. It's a defiantly pompous - nay, blimpish - one from what I hear and see from my vantage point in my Tooloee 12x12 treehouse 16 feet up in the olive grove.

Maybe I'm missing something, but whenever I'm in company of someone who's actually *lived* in a country down in which I've touched for mere days, and that in the air-conditioned conference room of the Ramada Renaissance, I tend to hold back on swingeing pronouncements and bad imitations of the native accents.

But here I am staggering back from another swarayy among the local great and good, ladies and gents of the utmost sophistication and manners, euro-linguists of the finest BUT limited in their acquaintance with our brethren across t'Pond.

My curio value has at last dwindled so I'm no longer trotting out the potted autobio wherein I own up to having spent the last 20 years in the land of the free and yes I suppose it IS odd that I still have my original accent, and so forth.

But somewhere around the 3rd John Wayne accent and patronising quotes from Greene's Ugly American, I slip in the modestest self-effacing reference to a passing familiarity with the States ... to absolutely no effect.

"Really? Twenty years, you say? You don't sound it - does he, darling? Remember Billy Ackroyd? Six months in Noo Yawk and he came back with THE most atrocious accent, wasn't it darling? 'Sure I'll have another beer ... hey, who was that cute broad you introduced me to? I'd sure like to visit with her some time, yeahh."

I exaggerate but only just.

Not sure where I'm going with this, except to vent.

OK, vented. No need to bore anyone more than I am by the whole performance.

Mama off to Londinium next week, leaving me lord of the manor with a dinner list of nice ladies that should swell the coffers of the local eateries.

Have restrung the Ovation with gleaming new Martins and surreptitiously stacked my Bill Frisells, big bands, and Dylan ready for a serious blast out.

Liquor store alerted to open a bible's length of credit on the class hooch.

Sam is eyeing me uneasily.

Watch this shpace.