26 May 2009

Nun but the lonely heart

This cries out for the sort of pun only Wells-san will get right.

But what a laff - not just because no one complained.

Those Cretans are the hardest asses.

Softie corfiot nightmare was to be billeted for national service in Crete.

Bunch of Brit tourists parading in religiosa gear? The good old boys sitting around talkin' 'bout the good old days when you could count on whacking the shit out of at least half a dozen ouzerised Mancunians a night.

Frigging wimpo 'drink sensibly' campaigns.

"Red alert, dudes, Englishers in Nun drag, 10 o'clock. Scramble!"

By the sacred breasts of Benthesicyme! Sacrilege! Where's my taser and my gonad grauncher?

Meanwhile, back in Little Turdington on the Wold, it was

"Just off to Bradford, luv. Boring trade fair."

Oh aye? If you've time, try to look in on Auntie Hettie.

Will do, pet.

Then wham! The nation's screens.

Barraclough & Hobbs (grocery to the gentry):

Morning Mrs Sutcliffe.

Morning Madge.

I see your Ernie has found God. Might we look forward to seeing him in t'church again?

You'll be better off asking himself yoursel'n when he gets back, Madge

Aye, lass. One thing I know, vicar will prefer him in collar and tie. I know we try to keep up wi' times here in Turdington, but I don't think we're quite ready yet for the lads to go Cretan.

Thank you, Madge. Yes, Brian, a leg will be wimple. I mean ample.

4 comments :

Sibadd said...

What is about some Brits and skirts - in this case habits? Wellington "I don't know what effect these men will have on the enemy, but by God, they terrify me." "Are these Amazons all he can send against me?" Napoleon of the Scots Guards or one of the kilted regiments at Waterloo. I'm confused. Don't the Cretan klephts, indeed the fearsome evzones dress in tutus. What am I missing? I was a fanciable girl in a school play when I was 12 and it was flattering warding off 6th formers for a few days. But having got the T-shirt on x-dressing so young, it lost it's frisson...

Busker said...

"Its", dude. "It's frisson" is grocer's apo.
Oh how sinbad will gnash and rent. In a message to *me*. I love it.
Otherwise v cool comment. Didn't know the amazon one. cute.
I was a chick in all our Gilbert & Sullivans. Mr Lewis was always hanging around us as we frolicked behind the scenery. Touching us up here, helping adjust a bonnet there, always ready with the Kleenex to wipe a smudge of make-up there. David Li from Singapore and me from Honkers spoke cantonese to each other and that was the first time i learnt the argot for pooftah. "Queer to starboard" he'd say as Peters homed in and we'd skip away with many a flirtatious giggle.
When i went back, I asked him "were you ever caught?" He gave me a frightened look and coughed that cough and made his excuses and left.

Sibadd said...

I've wondered about the grammatical logic of leaving out the apo when you don't on other possessives like "the king's head" etc. Then I read that "its", in that sense, is on a par with "hers" and "his". Never knew that before.

Busker said...

No excuse. Lynne - truss him up.