29 February 2008

Berthing Room

I have horrid non friends and one is sitting here betting me i cannot tell 2 jokes and keep it simple and stop faffing and just let the tale tell itself.

she is french and so are the two jokes, anti their silly frog accents ...

joke 1 - so im in hongkong and PR for this mega french construction company where no one emotes and its de rigueur to be cool and oozing sang froid.

I handle the groundbreaking ceremony of a port godown, meanwhile my wife is in hospital giving birth to our 2nd child.

I am back in the office going thru the press shots of the ceremony, the boss looks in and asks "How did the berth go?" and i assume in his ignorant frog-accented way he means how did the ceremony for the berth godowns go. I answer with macho calm that it went ok, no big deal ...

"And your wahf?"

My wife?? What on earth has she to do with it?

Mon Dieu you english and you call *us" chauvinist pigs!!

he meant of course how did the birth go. b'boum

Next joke please:

where i worked once for the greatest CS team ever, we set up a system of grading reps. I can't remember who came up with the grade - and i think i did since i wrote the first draft - but there was an ultra tactful score of "Room for Improvement".

As we grizzled QA types sat round grading emails and calls, we'd often growl "Room!" as abbreviated score.

I stole a few of those tricks for a company here in Greece who like the idea of QA and I introduced the Room for Improvement ploy. It's not a Greek company - heaven forfend that a Grik company should even know of QA - but a smart French hoteliers.

So we're sitting round judging some waiter skills and bar savoir-faire and the Food & Beverage manager is hacking and coughing away but suddenly scores an atrocious bit of ham-handed waiting as merely displaying 'room for improvement'.

"Mais tiens!, Vincent," I tiens, "that's very mild of you. I thought it was awful. You'll lose all your clients if your staff behave like that."

Quoi? Eez terrible peRRfoRRmonce ... for zee shurve, non?

Well why score it mere 'room'?

Quoi? What you talk about, you crazy?

Another 15 seconds of toing n froing franglais cross bating.

He had been complaining about his wretched cold and i picked up 'rheum' for Room.

ok, not so funny,i give you but i'm getting arch frogette eyebrows of approval for whizzing thru it so fast.

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