27 October 2013

A SUCKER WHEN WE SEE ONE - Pippa's 'quirky' gift

As a devoted Chas Addams/Roald Dahl fan, I'm riveted by Pippa Middleton's crass and creepy £7,000 christening gift to the thuggish Prince George [scroll down and watch video].

Can you imagine Wrightson & Platt's phone ringing off the hook after this publicity.

Those silver 'limbs' are like the body parts regi-knappers send to distressed parents with the ransome note, "£5m in the lav on Tooting Common if you want to see the rest of the kid alive."

Cringe-making coverage - young thing with ghastly accent talks us through but at least we learn from the article that, 

'To create these unusual moulds, the three-month-old future king would have had his limbs placed in a jelly-like organic mould of water and a seaweed-based powder.

The process only takes 30 seconds - but for a wriggling newborn, that's a long time.'

Imagine - or don't - a replica of the dauphin's hands and feet in silver.

Wrightson & Platt on Facebook : Now, none of you is to do anything silly like be-friending or scrawling silly comments. These are serious craftspeople who see people like Pippa coming. 

Images of W&P

Quoth Wrightson & Platt, the guilty party in this whole ghoulish money-making scheme: "baby hands and feet 'life cast in silver' are a perfect keepsake to preserve precious memories in the finest material." Yes, well ... 

Know a sucker when they see one.

But watch the video in this second clip - absolutely riveting, if only for the way the royals greet THE Royale, Her Majesty - distant nervous air kiss, quick bob curtsey. Excruciatingly
correct and impeccably timed choreography. Never seen that before - never seen so many royals around HM, as the piece points out.
 Bruiser - Et le Prince! Quel bruiseur! 

Psst - who's manipulating his hand, why's it bobbing up and down? Or does he just have early onset of Parkinson's? 

But his face! Magnificent! That's how I like my future Liege, cruel, commanding, venal, grabbing. 

Och! I bet there's not many who've gazed with such (literal) lèse-majesté insouciance on our fragrant monarch and escaped hospitality in the Tower.

Is that not the most hideous piece you ever saw? Perfect door-knocker for a loner like me: trespassers come up to Gouvia Heights but are too squeamish to actually touch the grisly thing and depart again. 

Once again, this blog posts where others fear to tread.

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