30 January 2011

GOOD RIDDANCE!!!

Breath-taking Arrogance

ENFIN! ~ Keys quits

Whadya call two outed asininnies? A promising start.

"Women don’t know the offside rule"

Hah fuckin' hah!

Nappy-headed SkyLouts Andy Gray and Richard Keys should have thought first about Don Imus' tumble from grace with his throwaway remark about nappy-headed hoes

I'm delighted - thrillèd, even - each time one of these dinosaur oafs crashes to the ground.

Too cowardly (or inadequate) to face women on a level playing field, they take cover in their male cochon bastions and grunt their prejudices to the choir.

I mean, look left at that sleek creature ~ clearly, a graceful dictionary of every rule in the book.

It's Andy and Dick who are the dick-heads here for verily they know not ~

charlotte jacksonCommandment 1: Yea, thou shalt not mock a babe lest the fans and Pharisees rise up and with one accord smite you in the goolies and great will be your pain and rubbished your name in the tabloids and Tabernacles.

Rueful - There's a shot in this link showing this oily muggins looking, dare I say? - ever-so slightly aware that his potty mouth might have let him down.

Ho effing ho - and just stay out of the grown-up world until you're ready to join it at some adult level.

Tucking it in

Feel our love, wanqueur.

Stitched up: Andy Gray blames 'dark forces'. Do me a favour, love

I mean, what stoopid assholes - they're actual broadcasters; they should know that, somewhere, a mic is always on.

  • I was told by a journo sportif that in today's world of Youtube no one ever stops recording in case they can snare just such a gaffe as the Keys/Gray duo have delievered.

  • Karren Brady: 'Blood boil'

    The cool thing about this brouhaha is that it's giving the meedja its perfect opportunity and excuse to run pics of all the sensationally hot women in the biz.

  • Graham Poll: Sexist

  • Listen for yourselves

  • Sports Minister: Disappointed. Uh ohh, disappoint a Swinging Dick Minister and you're in for an early bath.

  • 'Lumpen'

    Opah! Like la dolce Sian, this one has good legs

  • See how thick these two are? Didn't even listen to the Bobster?

    "How many times must a man shoot his mouth
    Before he learns a mic's on?
    "


    Look at those sebaceous self-satisfied yobs!

    Serves 'em right (which it won't ~ token rap on hairy knuckles and they'll be back in harness.)

    Do you know the orf-side rule?

    I don't and I spent my school days volunteering to be ref just to save myself from being thumped on t'field.

    OFF-SIDE RULE

    Here is the rule, according to my pal Zack Lewis.

    Zack has a Certificate from Washington Youth Soccer, signed by Technical Director Gary White and attesting to Zack's completing their CATEGORY E CERTIFICATE COURSE FOR SOCCER COACHING .

    "Offside is when there are at less than two defenders -- including the goalie --level or in front of the player who is receiving the ball at the time when the ball is played through.

    If you ARE offside but not receiving the ball, it is at the ref's ... discretion as to whether you are affecting the play or defender's position.

  • You can't be offside on a throw in.

  • You can't be offside on your half of the pitch."
  • So there.

    And lets have another pic of the nation's favourite gazelle lines-babe Sian Massey.

  • My kind of chick ~ slightly receding chin, sexy conk, lithe bod. Yum

    She can get both on and off my side any time she fancies: half time, injury, final whistle - phwoar!

    No red card from my end, lady.

    Hot damn that girl looks good: alert, focused, look at that racing stance ... if ever a sloppy aspersion was rashly cast, the whistle blast of SianGate slam bam defines it.

    (I wonder if all the marriage proposals - not to mention the other kind - are fitting thru her letterbox?)

  • Phoned apology

  • Top cock-ups

  • Sky sexism: no surprise: Anna Kessel in the Guardian skewering the creeps and bringing us that much closer to the glorious tipping point past which they are toast.

    "The attitude of Richard Keys and Andy Gray ... shows how deeply entrenched – and how casual – sexism is in football.

    Prejudice needs punishment.

    How could anyone in this day and age honestly believe that a woman who is FA qualified to officiate a game might be unable to understand the offside law?

    ... the conversation wasn't just banter, because if it was just a bit of a laugh, then where was the laughter?

    ... if we take the Ron Atkinson incident as a precedent and apply the same principles to what Keys and Gray said about Massey's ability to run the line, it is quite clear that Sky's premier football figures should lose their jobs.

    Don't agree? Then try explaining the difference between an expletive filled rant concerning the colour of a player's skin affecting his ability to do a job, and an expletive filled rant about a person's gender affecting her ability to do a job? Both situations are about prejudice – not facts – informing a judgment.

    Indeed both Keys and Gray admitted they had never heard of Massey before the match, despite it being her second Premier League game on the line, and embarrassingly for them – and brilliantly for Massey – the 25-year-old went on to give a superb performance, nailing a difficult decision which most of us watching in our sitting rooms needed TV replays to be sure of."


    More famous than the game
    : of course, the unfortunate fall-out - and Sian must be dreading this - is that for her next few games, Ms Massey will have more cameras and attention on her than the match she is actually lines-babe sitting.

    OFF DUTY - ON SIDE!

  • Football Sexism - that self-satisfied hypocrite John Gaunt given air-time to hang himself by his own porcine scrotum.

  • WIKICLOGS ~ 'Sexist content may offend': Offend? Bring it on, lads. The more the merrier.

    The roach-infested stone has been lifted and the vermin are scuttling from the light. Can you imagine the panic over some sleuthing archivist rolling back the years and outing others who've mouthed off?

    Stanley Matthews? Stan, how could you have?

    Now all I need is Lord Taylor blurting 'off mic' about some underage lines babe for which he's falsely claimed parlour maid expenses and my cup willeth've runnereth o'er.

    Just GO! - is it just me or are these goons taking longer to shed croc tears than it took for them to befoul the airwaves with their original spoutings?

    How did Ollie Crommers have it?

    "You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately ... Depart, I say; and let us have done with you.

    In the name of God, go!"

    ... and then a little bit about, "You are no Sportscasters", which was pretty prescient for vocab of the time.

  • Pre-historic bully boy - doncha love it? The story goes on. It's as if every foul-mouthed sexist bully reporter is frantically covering his tracks by sticking it to the very bar-room buddies with whom he once shared a nudge and a wink.

    'Who me? How could I? I was the one ran that piece that really put the boot in - pictures 'n' all ... got the wrong pig, mate ... heresy of thought 'n' all that.'

    (Also look for mention of that bovine Jeremy Clarkson person burbling in classic fashion)

    Lads Mag Banter - Karren cuts up rough, and I don't blame her. With all the focus on their cochons-conneries views, the two reporters still insist on lashing out with the same old unreconstructed cretinous mouthings.

    But ooh, all these excuses to post these pics of pulchritude ... good old footie!

  • Mewling and spewling ~ determined to snatch humiliation from the jaws of dignity, Keys keeps chucking the toys from his pram right to the end.

    Scandal-gift: I love it. Luuve it. You don't because you're salt-of-the-earth real stuff gritty footie supporters who spotted us from the off - conspiring to bring the SkyScum down.

    Anything but their fault, and how they're scampering around grabbing excuses here, justifications there, conspiracy theories hither, GirlieManliness thither.

    Have you noticed how not one speck of humility or self-knowledge has landed on their lickspittle lapels? It is beyond their ability to let it sink in that they've been trounced bang to rights. I love it.

    This will run and run and fellow cockroaches will scuttle from under the floorboards, chests thumping jowels hrrumphing, hustling their diminished balls as they cry foul and wonder why and how they're the only ones on-side.

    Oh boy oh boy, SianGate will go down as an essential text in any study sporting journalism.

  • Keys' wife ~ and a most attractive creature she looks, too.

    There's something about a sweet-faced blonde carrying a tea tray ... I bet not one of those reporters out there will write an unkind word about her.

    About her greasy husband, it's open season but for Julia ... amnesty.

    Anyway, Mrs Keys was persuaded to pen a few words for a tabloid and, of course, the whole thing came out disastrously wrong.

    But never mind, that sort of sacrifice for her smug muggins partner only makes us love her more and pity her further.

    The gist of JK's message was that,

    "The Wrong Men got the Red Card"

    Sorry, Julia, and this time let me do you and yours a favour:

    What you mean is that, of your husband's two, the wrong face reddened.

    Your lot prefer to pick and choose and this time they bit the dust.

    Laddish when it suits, hypocrite when it's more politic.

    That's it, isn't it? Ah, Julia mou, if only it worked that way.

    "Speaking outside the couple's mansion home in Chobham, Surrey, Julia Keys said:

    "It's really sad. They (Keys and Gray) contributed so much, putting Sky on the map.

    Whether you like them personally or not, professionally there's very few who would knock them."

    So that makes it all right, does it?

  • Be as foul-mouthed prejudiced as you like?

  • Set as puny petty an example as you can get away with and to hell with the impressionable generation who's growing up with your husband's craven image as one to which to aspire.

    I'm very very happy and amused that they ran slap bang wallop into this wall.

    He sees us as the 'little people' - we don't get it, do we? His banter, his 'shenanigans'. Everything but what it is ...

    Well, the Little People have spoken and fuck Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumberer's banter and fuck their self-referential in-crowd 'shenanigans'.

    It took a long time coming but the likes of your husband have been busted

    "It doesn't quite make sense in a way and it's questionable the way it has been handled."

    No it isn't - he questions it because he's been shown up for what he is and it's indefensible and it stinks.

    "It's very sad after the career Richard has had that it has come to this ..."

    And the rest of us say that it's glorious that such a two-faced sham has been exposed.

    No honourable 'career' should be built on such rotten values.

    The Tweedles are flailing around trying to blame this or that man-made institution for their humiliation.

    Do you know who's to blame? Guess.

    Decency. Fair-minded, open-hearted and truthful decency, and your husband lied to us.

    He took us for fools; he thought he could coat his core-rotten lack of values with a veneer of bluff hail-fellow-well-played, man-of-the-people bluster and we'd buy it.

    Well we did for a while because we trusted him. We don't any more and he has bought it and good riddance.

    "With men, there are little bits of you that never grow up."

    You're a wife and a mother so I know it's only the moolah speaking.

    Because of course they grow up, they have to and you need only look at your husband in the midst of this avenging brouhaha to see how quickly that 'growing up' can take place.

    Julia, dear, it's called maturity and those over-grown children incapable of achieving it get a very rude awakening.

  • "It's banter from the boys. What other people do not understand is the dynamics that go on in the studio."

    But what we do understand is the banter that goes on in decent values-conscious Life.

  • "He (Keys) is very aware of the tensions that there are and it not being as relaxed [sic] as it would be unless there were playful shenanigans."

    Now he's aware, and I hope it stings - and do lets drop this euphemism 'shenanigans' or at least edit it to He-nanigans - now he edges towards the standards by which the rest of us live and raise our children, despite the shallow examples set by the likes of the man you married.

  • Your husband is a child and he will do time in the 'naughty corner' and redeem himself when we judge fit.

  • "Did you smash it?" - even his grease is greasy.

  • EQUALITY? - we couldn't handle equality. Currie freaks.

    AL JA-LEERER - Arabia bound! Kalo Taxidi!! Didn't I say Good Riddance?

  • Charmless Pair -Booker winner Howard Jacobson puts the boot into the Skylouts. Bravo the Independent for even thinking of using HJ: I may have to try the Indie as my daily default rag for a while.

  • Tearful Louise Glass - disgusted after former Sky Sports anchor asks boyfriend whether the pair had had sex.

    Keys: 'If you were anywhere near it you’d definitely smash it ... ‘You’d have gone round there any night of the week and found Redknapp hanging out the back of it.’

  • The 'It' Girl ~ Look at the lovely Louise Glass, read her sad story - this is she of whom it was asked had the pundit punned it, aka 'smashed' it.

    Oh poh poh ... those boys deserve to be smashed 'emselves, no mistake.

    I said this one had legs but it also turns out to boast succulent lips and boobs.

  • Smashing Tits - excuse vulgar heading, meant to be pun on my new best phrase, 'smashed it'.

    Just another excuse to run another snap of a babe.

    Seems Handy Andy toasted pal and wife Rachel at nuptials and then straight to 'ruptials' by 'smashing It'.

    She is a bit of corker.

    Smashing.


  • 16 comments :

    Simon Baddeley said...

    I was wandering disconsolate at my inability to find the words when thank goodness I read yours. "Yea, thou shalt not mock a babe lest ..." Oh yes! My Amy and a fellow coppess turned up to arrest a bloke who'd attacked his wife. He phoned 999. Demanded arrest by 'proper police'. "He quietened down" said daughter "once we'd cuffed him." ...and great was his pain and rubbished his name in the tabernacle.

    Corfucius said...

    thanks, pal.

    Simon Baddeley said...

    What I find difficult about listening to these two is how chat about football as if it mattered. Ulysses once said he was so sick of the sea (with reason) he would walk inland with an oar on his shoulder until he met someone who said "what's that?" Is there anywhere I could get the same question about a football?

    Corfucius said...

    oh i do like the oar line, soo much.

    alas no about soccer, i feel, but i have a lovely story about my younger daughter's birthday falling late jan so we had the birthday on the last sunday, Superbowl day. will tell it anon but i suspect it is in the blog already. i must try 'superbowl'

    Simon Baddeley said...

    Corfucius inhabits a world of strong women - the theme of my talk at my daughter's wedding. I asked my mum if her room at the Savoy overlooked the river. "We never opened the curtains." "And did you go to the shelters during bombing?" "Having far too much fun." It must seem so unfair to the dinosaurs that there's a world where admiration and joy and passion doesn't have to go with condescension and prejudice. It starts in childhood - even in how we were made:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/sibadd/3053887780/in/photostream/
    In literature it came with that memorable and subversive scene in P & P when E turns down D 'cos he doesn't regard love as all that matters. At the time, along with her mum, the world thought her insane and dangerous - which thank god she was and is.

    Corfucius said...

    very good and fluently put. ok lad, no need go on. how can the monstrous regiment NOT now adopt you as mascot?
    And when you reach the Pearly Gates and St Peter hollers up to the Chief, 'Wot abaht this one, then?', I'm sure She'll give a tired thumbs-up, "Yeah, why not? Life time of brown-nosing, let him thru - introduce him to the Coven, let the Sisters have some fun with the varlet."

    FIXED BAYONET METAL SOLDIERS said...

    wanker

    Corfucius said...

    Good name, 'Fixed Bayonet Metal'. A manly, granite-jawed name. Too often, one gets a 'damn-your-eye, sir' name and the comment that follows waffles all over the place.
    By the poignard of Polemon! The command "Fix bayonets!" would have sent a chill down me - sent me scuttling in reverse, I wouldn't be surprised ... to white feather or firing squad.

    Simon Baddeley said...

    Yes...the venerable Corp Jack Jones in Dad's Army facing the "Fuzzy Wuzzies" under Kitchener; answers any queries about the superlative value of the bayonet with "They don't like it up 'em, Sir!"

    FIXED BAYONET METAL SOLDIERS said...

    ok but you are a bit of a wanker, first you call a pakamac a paki then get your drawers in a twist bout the twist in the air andy gray.get the drift john? most women will do anything for a ten bo note.

    Corfucius said...

    Ah yes, good old Dad's A.

    JOhn le Mesurier used to drink at Muriel's Colony Room and i'd so enjoyed his radio portryal of Hitchhikers Guide Old Bird, i went up to him to offer a drink along with my appreciation. Quiet old bird himself, shy; i read nowadays (along with his odd marriage to Hattie) that he was an alcoholic but i never saw him overdo it.

    he took my praise with grace and commented unsmilingly (which made me hoot), "You know, i never understood a single word of the script, i just read from the page."

    Simon Baddeley said...

    Ok you saw him first but this one's *my* guest for next week's dîner de cons!

    FIXED BAYONET METAL SOLDIERS said...

    good blog

    Corfucius said...

    Take heed, sirrah Badass; the whip. You may be commenting more disconsolate than you expect.

    Corfucius he say, "Mock not Honoured Guest who recognises 'good blog'."

    Interesting to see how this pans out.

    I re-watched 'Dîner' the other evening and adored it; the french do this sort of thing so well. i also watched the appalling petit dejeuner de cochon the americans made of it.

    what is it about steve carell that he joins himself to cock-ups. the american 'office' was a catastrophe, not least for trying to follow so closely the gervais version. had they gone for an american treatment it could have been a contender.

    Fixed Bayonet, sir - thank you. i am trusting enough to take it as sincere.

    maria said...

    it is a good blog. anything that creates polemic is good.

    Corfucius said...

    Polemic (dread word!)

    thank you Maria. that quote goes straight up on the marquee.

    love to the polemic blues man. lawd have merceh!