Arbore

Good to see Bainbridge city staff occupying themselves with vital matters, and how right of the Islander's headlinist to go for "bicker" as the operative verb.

What a usefully early lesson for les Tooloee jeunes  in the idiocies with which we adults occupy ourselves as we wait to grow up.

My guess is that a puny enemy of councilman Tooloee whispered poisoned nothings in some bureaucrat Iago's ear.

But what wonderful double-speke and jargon it's thrown up:

The tree house violates some section dealing with "accessory structures in native vegetation zones".

Where's the Peddyrast when we need him? He could have whipped up a vege-friendly memo in a trice and we could all have gone back to our siestas sans breaking a sweat.

As it is, none other than the director of BI's Department of Planning and Community Development needed rousing from his slumbers, he in turn caning the thesaurus to come up with the sonorous verdict that,

"The structure attached to the trees on your property is not one of the structures listed as allowed within the native vegetation zone."

Not to be outdone, a 'Code Enforcement Officer' was brought in to pronounce on such weighty crimson-trussed matters as building permits, critical-area variance, and geotechnical reports.

Full marks, I say, to Tooloee for keeping a straight face while describing the 'structure' as "above" the native vegetation zone, not "inside" it.

It gets sillier: T and M actually had to hire an arborist, the splendidly named Olaf Ribeiro, to evaluate the project and reassure one and all that the structure had little impact on the trees.

But City Hall is not to be denied its quota of bumf: a geotechnical report had to be commissioned so as to conclude that the structure does NOT affect the slope’s stability. Bet that made certain folks sulky.

But how naive of T & M to be surprised that this is happening now. Of course  the structure was seen and unquestioned those years back by Uncle Tom Cobley and all as they cooked up the majestically named "Shoreline Master Plan and Critical Areas Ordinance Rules".

That was then and the snakes were slithering thru other grass. Now is now and our Iago is better placed.