12 July 2006

Pale and Listless Parody

Poor winners in this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest for bad opening sentences.

I realise the BLFC is an American comp, spawned by the Eng Lit Dept at San José Uni, but this year it really reads that way in that over-egged style that only Americans can pull off, making them pre-eminent in neutering Python/Fawlty retellings or analysis.

This year's winner, Jim Guigli, writes exactly like a mechanical designer of California, and his submission is meritless.

Runner up Stuart Vasepuru comes closer to the mark with his Dirty McHarry take-off and is the only entry worth reproducing:

"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' -- and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question:

'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?"

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