Singer slugged at signing

Yikes - poor Leona Lewis.

Punched out of nowhere by a nutter.

I don't know what I would have done if something like that had happened at one of my signings as a bookista PR hack.

It wouldn't have mattered if it had been our 'enery Cooper, but Erica Jong? Margaret Forster? Angus Wilson? Carlos Fuentes? Ugh.

What would have been way kewl would have been this oddball duking out Katie 'Jordan' Price during one of her  book sessions.

Oh poh poh ... can you picture it??

Dja think any of the security guards woulda held back cage-fighter Alex Reid?

The mugger woulda been onna floor being stomped on. Then hauled back on his feet and biffed around a bit more before being sent flying again, this time into the cookery books section and all those Madhur Jaffrey showcards.

Then encore smackings before into the pile of Hilary Mantels; then a bit of footsie kneezie inna balls ... gahd it'd've been a Youtube hit.

Katie could have done her heaving-breast "My hero!" bit - another million hits on 'Tube.

Cage Boy could've risen again to the occasion and lammed the loonie some more - all six foot of him, I gather - this time into the remainder shelf of Melvyn Bargs before bouncing off into a stack of Harold Evans.

That's what I should have set up for dear Kyril Bonfiglioli (RIP), swordsman and martial arts fiend of the dirty brigade. *That* would've made the Sunday Express's clever book supremo Graham Lord look closer at the brilliant "Don't Point that Thing at Me".

Or Harry Crews when he was over to plug 'Karate is a thing of the spirit'.

Perhaps not.

Carnage is carnage but Harry was a one-man army.

Phone socks: Oopsie daisy ~ that Miss Peter better watch his tongue round Big Al.

And here is Big Al at Katie's signing - in drag.