OLLIE MOORE

~ Life 'ruined', mum enraged ~

I love this photo. I've poured myself an early vin blanc et kir and lit a delicious Karelia as I savour the scene.

Nor do I know which quote to headline and in which order of satisfaction to place them:

• "... claimed his life had been 'ruined' and that his mother was enraged"
• " ... travelled to London for a job interview ... spoke of regret and fears he will never be able to get a job."

Har har har - ^5, you stoopid little fucker.

Look at that baby face, almost too fresh to try that snarly gnarly expression.

And do look at that defiant middle finger?

FFS, children, what's wrong with a good old True Blue patriotic V-sign? No sense of tradition or history, les jeunes these days.

Oh but the quotes! Wonderful wonderful quotes, hinting at real disharmony and disappointment, thwarted plans and come-uppance.

• Oliver Moore (17) alumnus of Thamesmead School, Shepperton
• Former employee of Natterjacks, couturiers of Kingston ... "This has ruined my life"
• "My mum went crazy ... don’t think I’ve done my job prospects much good."
• "Didn’t know the protest was due to take place ... wearing a smart shirt for my interview."

  Absolutely hilarious. Crackerjack Natterjack chemise for his close-up, he means.

• "On my own and just joined up with the crowd ... saw a police riot helmet on the ground and put it on to give the cameramen a picture."

Bravo!! And is that there the picture? Must be - says it all:

Job forfeit

Family furore

Folly-fuddled thickness confirmed

Hopes dashed

CV blemished

... pray God the list goes on as the reptile press reel out their own snaps and sniggers.

What raises my spirits is how many similar stories will emerge from the identifying photos and meedja coverage with yet more hooligans biting the dust. Yee haWW.

Moore's Mouth: Ollie the Wally's burblings should be read aloud at the beginning of each job interview and in the hearing of the other applicants.

"He was photographed in front of a vandalised police van.

Protesters had covered it with graffiti, smashed the windows and climbed on the roof before breaking in and removing police equipment.

It emerged today that Mr Moore only got caught up in the chaos after coming to London for a job interview."

OR RATHER ...

'Cool. I'm making good time. Always looks organised and keen to turn up slightly early - might be forms to fill in.

Ayup, sounds like a bit of aggro going on over there - never a dull moment in the Smoke.

Ungghh - wot's this force pulling me off my route? Got to resist ... mum would kill me ... my best shirt ... can't let me bird down ... unhhh ... running late, yobs and ASBOs on top of van, keep my nose clean ... slip in front of the van where no one'll mistake me for one of 'em ... steer clear of the chaos, grab helmet ... blimey, photographers ... got nuffink for them to snap, poor bastards ... over here! this better? Finger and scowl? Wannna hear some effing n blinding?

Phew, that was close ... always keep a low profile, is best.'

Jailbait on the march! Oliver better look to his juvie laurels.