JOVIAL VACATION FOR JON VENABLES

~ Murder Timeline ~

Bravo the reptile media for plonking the Bulger case back in the news and reviving the heat of the chase.

Protection: £280,000 a year? FFS, shouldn't cost that much just to bring in a pro' tracker - in, do the job, out back home to Albania. Huge savings, could spend it on trough/sluice celebrations at having removed Cost Centre Venables and everyone getting back to harassing members of the public.

Dating mum of 5-year-old - if Mumsy didn't know it then, she's got to know it now, and other nosey-parkers in the playground. The brains can't be all between her legs and there's no one chattier than a sandpit of mothers. Ooh, can't you see their expressions and hear their knowing whispers:

"And he seemed such a nice quiet young man. I said to Frieda here - didn't I Free? - aye, I said Viv's fallen on her feet at last, got herself a nice solid yoong man, make a right fine hoosband if she gives him what he wants and doosn't push it.

Ooh, it were a right shock to find he was - you know, that bloke who did ... 'orrible that were ... ee, if I had known ... and that day he came to the park, remember? he had them sweets he were handing around ... my Britney came that close to accepting one, didn't you, loov? From where she's standing now to this ashtray - he didn't actually tooch you, did he loov? Nay, he didn't tooch her but it were this close. Eee, that's summat to tell yer grandchildren, ducks, no mistake."

A 'wrap' of cocaine - well I never. I never knew it was a 'wrap' of coke. All my reading and posing and running lines in posh lavs, and no one ever offered me a 'wrap'. Where've I been most of my life, too stoned to take in a cool word like 'wrap'? Obviously.

"Lack of monitoring"

Pussy Prance for Pusillanimous Parole Prats

Bollocks to lack of monitoring: lack of internet sleuthing, more like. I bet they could have hammered 'n' nailed both of them to the Iron Maiden from Day 52.

The press reptiles were handed the goods - plus how to skirt the wimpo law - and they flubbed it.

'Freed on licence' ~ Freed on freebies

57 images of child porn

Surprise surprise ... Venal Balls fiddling around with child pornography.

Venables appearing before the court to enter a plea and, to my usual fury and contempt, court proceedings will be "the subject of unprecedented reporting restrictions to protect his new identity."

I bow to no man in my admiration for the power of the InterWeb to out and expose all villains - so WTF is wrong with everyone that we've been led such a merry dance for so long over the simplest of tasks of nailing Venners once and for all? I cross my fingers at each court appearance that some enterprising sleuth will beat the restrictions and have the ball back for the wings to run amok with.

Grisly and ongoing drama ~ collective neurosis * unmasked punishment * lack of compassion * death too good, "life meaning life", yadda yadda * constant fear of exposure and retribution.

Yadda bladda.

TELL US WOT HE DONE!!

£6.25 million it's cost us.

Cloaking the ID of these Bulger bludgeoners

Financing their nancy-boy pampers by shrinks

Forking out for their fawking drugs habits and clubbing

I mean ... dude! Wazza deal?

VENABLES BACK IN CLINQUE

~ Venables Thompson Bulger ~

One of those "We interrupt this broadcast" situations:

Oyez oyez ... department of Troof will Aht ... Jonno Venaballs

Alleged to have had difficulty controlling his temper since his release ... involved in a punch-up ... came to the attention of the Filth twice before, 1) When he was caught snorting cocaine down an alleyway; 2) In a row outside a nightclub.

Rumour hath that Jonno 'began taking cocaine and ecstasy while attending night clubs and music festivals.'

Say WHUT?

Snorting cocaine ... IN A HANDBAG?

Nightclub?

Coke and ecstasy ~ night clubs and music festivals?

FFS, I may look a damn'd fool but I'm not that thick.

MY TAX DOLLARS FUNDING A THUG TO PONCE AROUND SNORTING COKE AND 'E'??

I dread to think what the fragrant Denise will post about that on her Twitter page

(2031 'followers', 'pon my soul.

Who says appreciation of womanly beauty is dead?)

On which topic, la belle Denise is taking exactly the right line - generous, pardoning, charitable. The only way when you're an icon, adored by the many and in whose name (and shining beauty) burly gentlemen with chequered military careers must be even as I type planning a 'robust' scolding of Master Venables and a decisive outing of Thomo' 'Hawk' Thompson.

Way to go, guys. Rubber's meeting the road, metal/pedal interface, the eagle is swooping, [insert cliché of choice].

BEHIND BARS FOR 'TANTRUMS' VENAL BALLS

~ Clamp down on ecstatic clubbing for Bulger basher ~

Aye, that Venables about whom - with Master Thompson - I have posted in blogs passim.

I take this as a very encouraging sign and I shall say no more except to re-unite this sturdy topic to my Google Alerts and sit back with a wolfish grin and large amounts of good liquor and 'baccy within every finger's reach.

And if this means up-to-date photos of la belle Denise - who I'm sure has kept her fragrant looks - well, then, all the better.

I've left the mugshot full size for easier recognition by any brightissima spark (it'll be a woman who nails him) but I assume the plastiques got to work on his pretty-boy features and he's the same indistinguishable plodding 27-yr-old as the rest of us.

What Real Men Buy: OK, you nosey lot - here's the contents of just this morning's shopping - classy rag, classy muzak, stuff to make me smell sweet to my sweetie ... ribbons to print my lurve notes in couleur ... chocs to cuddle up over after ....

My Torygraph comes up trumps:

Quoth (somewhat repetitively) one Michael Wolkind QC:

"Significant chance the breach was serious ... Now it's been publicised, must be a possibility of his new identity being exposed in prison and the inference must be it was a serious breach

To go to all the trouble of building him a new identity and a new life, there must be a significant chance it was serious."

Standard licence conditions for life sentences include keeping in touch with your supervising officer, permanently residing at an approved address, and not to commit any offence.

The Ministry of Justice refused to say whether Venables had simply breached his licence or committed another offence.

Venables will appear before a hearing of the Parole Board within 28 days of being recalled; details of the breach will be examined and the Board decide whether he will ever be released."

Anywaay, the main thing is he's back inside where a whole new breed and generation of crims (and screws!) will make his acquaintance and acquaintance him with what he's been missing all this time gadding about in freedom.

Valiant Miroir ~ of course, the good old Mirror can't just report Venners being back in nick, it has to slant it as if it was the paper itself that got the varlet back behind bars.

The Case History - Good to see inclusion of Judge Butler-Sloss's correct sloshing that, "their lives are genuinely at risk as well as their physical safety if their new identities and whereabouts became public knowledge".

And by God have I spent every waking moment trying to see that B-S's fears weren't just BS.

Dig delve connive bribe hobnob snoop ... someone had to know something or someone who knew someone who knew something. Feelers went out wherever I went:

Hong Kong (Pokfulam, Stanley, Foreign Correspondents Club)

USA (San Antonio, Boston, Bainbridge Island, Seattle)

London (Clapham and Kennington)

Corfu (Greece).

Honestly, I have to admit to a deep disappointment and shame in the pathetic failure of my fellow Netizens and the Web in general to sleuth even a pinprick of light on where Thumper and Vennyballs have been holed up.

Pathetic for us but well done the murderers. They must write their story while fingers and nails are still where God put them and tell us how they evaded the best that e-bloodhoundery sent after them.

Let's hope that the witch hunt now underway following Venables' return to jug will make up for all the years of well-behaved observance of the rules.

The government are on the run; the press have the scent and the people are behind them. Too many years have passed for anyone - inside or out - to give a fuck any more: we want blood on the sand and don't forget there's elections coming up.

Bread and circuses, or you're out on your political ear.

Speaking of circuses, who was the northern press baron -name's on tip o' tongue - who so splendidly encapsulated the essence of his readers' tastes:

"Koont 'n' poozles. That's what t'reader wants.

Koont n poozzles."

Never forgot that. I was regaled with that anecdote my first lunchtime in a Fleet Street boozer and it lodged with me. Well, succinct eternal verities like that do, don't they?

So where are we?

23 June 2001: parole board decides to release Thompson and Venables.

Conditions included a ban on them contacting the Bulger family or each other, or visiting Merseyside without the written consent of their probation officers ... blah di dah di day ... suckahs!

Attaboy SkyNews : Never thought I'd be hi-fiving newsy night-soil but Sky are right on course in urging prison inmates,

"Shouldn't be difficult to identify a 27-year-old with a hint of a Scouse accent and a chip on his shoulder.

It could earn you more than your next armed robbery. And no risk of getting shot."

A medal, more like.

Venables' lawyer speaks - some cautious but mildly interesting speculations.

I like the revelation that he always thought it would be Thompson they'd rope in first.

Oh. My. God. Can't you picture the pair soaking their Y-fronts at the tsunami of revived press interest?

And Thompson's fury at Venables' blowing it and completely fucking up all those years of careful camouflagery.

That's Pretty-Boy 'Thumper' on the left, about whom press reports had it that:

"In 2005 there were reports that Thompson was addicted to heroin and was being prescribed the substitute methadone to wean him off his habit.

The following year [it] was revealed that he was gay and had been given permission by his probation service 'minders' to live with his homosexual lover, who was aware of his past."

Oh poh poh, where do I sign up to invest in the movie?

Applicants for the role of Denise, the queue starts at the casting couch on the left.

More details! demands the usually placid Evening Standard. Once upon a time it would have been tumbrils trundling and the clack of knitting needles. Now it's the tumbling of Net-sleuth algorithms ... I love the bay of a lynch mob in the morning.

The news desks have sniffed the wind and this one has legs.

Mired in Confucian: No wonder. Look at the bubbling troubling storm in a hornet's nest that Fleet Street's so gleefully toiling on ~ public interest, 'callous and insensitive' (not to mention kick in the teeth), drink and drug problem (yah, if he lacked one then, he'll be heavily into that stuff now), GBH, new identity, fierce criticism from senior police officers, victims’ groups and justice campaigners.

First time in prison ~ The Thunderer in splendid purple-prosed form:

"Of all the things that Jon Venables will be feeling as he tastes life in his first prison, his overriding emotion will be fear ... real identities exposed ... hunted down to face “street” justice ... Gossip spreads like bush-fire in prisons, and a 27-year-old man who has broken the terms of his licence will have an “arrow flashing over his head”

There's imagery for you, guys and gals.

Righteous Wrath ~ I try to pose as a 'fair' selector of reportage but what I'm really after is damning with faint defence. I always like what Brian Masters writes so this piece can be my 'faux fairness' submission.

Actually, there's some very good wordage here - as harrowing in their literary skill as the scenes he describes.

Try this for ace wordsmithery:

"We cannot feel anger at this man who was detained yesterday, for we no longer know who he is.

He may be married. He may be a father. He may have a job. He may be kind and considerate. He may be rotten and deceitful. He may have shoplifted. He may have sold drugs. It does not matter, for we are not interested in him; we are interested in the little boy who terrified us with his malice all those years ago, and we do not want to let that shudder evaporate and lose its power.

In some very unpleasant way, we cherish it still. We must never be suspected of any maturity that would allow us to spot the possibility of redemption. [My favourite bit, that]

That, at least, is the feeling some newspapers appear to foster; I can think of a couple which, if their editors knew where this man was, would pursue him to the death if necessary.

['Pursuit to the Death' - aye, there's your movie title - but there's more]

... I attended the trial of Thompson and Venables throughout, and heard all the evidence. Yet I did not feel the presence of wickedness. I felt the unfathomable mystery of human behaviour, the awe of ignorance, the chilling impossibility of knowing what this was really all about.

The trial, which ought to have been a lesson in philosophy, was instead a performance, a parade of adult indignation hurled at two frightened little boys who knew they had done something terrible, and did not know why.

They could barely see over the bar of the dock in which they sat; it came up to their chins. And so I also felt some shame at being witness to this show."

Emotive stuff and that's only the namby-pamby chunks that caught my evil eye.

Attacked work 'colleague': Pair 'grappled' before others intervened and pulled them apart ... alleged 'victim' said to have made official complaint about the attack.

If I know anything about fisticuffs among 'work colleagues' - and I do, across 3 continongs - Hell (and the Official Complaints book) hath no fury.

That grappling 'colleague' will be the toast of the Snug Bar.

You joking?

Arm wrestle the bicep that wielded the brick that smashed Jimmy Bulger's head in?

Shake t'hand that laid JB on the rail track?

Lock limbs with the legs that walked Bolger Jr to the rail track and then away as he lay there to be tracked racked and quartered by the oncoming train?

Fuck, dude - set this man up with a drink or 5. Stuff Madame Tussauds

Whoops, so busy fancying mother Denise I'd sort of overlooked there might be a dad in the woodpile.

According to pater Ralph, the lack of information has been a disgrace.

‘Our legal system danced on the grave of my innocent son without a hint of shame or compassion ... Now their actions have come back to haunt them.’

Careful, sir ~ don't want to get so carried away that we spoil our own chances.

Dancing on graves, actions back to haunt - that's crazy talk. Be like Denise - waft and look sad and say nowt. That way the Hang 'em High crowd can do their thang and you can maintain a pious Jerry Springer 'Who, me?' pose.

Lost his Rights

Wall of Silence

Witchhunt ~ Fevered speculation, shrill headlines and whipping up public fear

Cover Blown

Good Hickory

Drug-fuelled Nights? ~ Denise Fergus to meet Jack Straw ... nice little foto op ... blather blather ... but what I liked was the reference to Venal Balls returning for 'drug-fuelled nights'. If they're not drug-fuelled, they don't make the grade with the 4th Estate.

'Complex Factors' - A former Director of Public Prosecutions, Sir Ken Macdonald, tells Beeb Today presenter Evan Davis that "complex factors are at play."

'Extremely serious claim' - the scent hottens.

FURIOUS BRITONS ~ I do love The Sun.

Talk about busy and unruly.

Aye, if you want to take the temperature of bully-boy righteous Britannia, this is where to insert the thermometer.

What's that line about the British public in one of its periodic fits of morality?"

Well, there's nowt periodic about the poop this redtop peddles - it's constant and incarnadine.

Hence its perfect role as attack-dog conscience of the rest of us in hounding VenalBalls.

Can't you just see the slavering News Editor crafting this update we've been waiting for.

"Not the 'police', we're playing hardball now. They're 'cops' - and speaking of which, that's the last 'drink' I'm pouring down that c*** of a filing clerk until she starts coming up with the lowdown. I'll give her 'secrecy' FFS - that's for the c***ing Little People".

Sun reveals shock issue world exclusive:

"New details emerged about Venables' return to jail — and the incredible secrecy surrounding it.

He was taken to the unnamed prison by two plain-clothes cops in an unmarked car with tinted windows.

Only the most senior staff knew of his arrival.

The car was driven into a secure reception area and staff were banned from even looking in his direction.

Unusually, they were not told the identity of the cops who delivered him, and were instructed to make no official note of the car.

Neither Venables' fingerprints nor photo appear on jail records - just his new name."

Ooh, I bet the knives are out over that. No more fat retainers for well-placed grass roots informers. Wot? All them brown envelopes slipped under the table and still Sun reptiles are kept in the dark. This bodes no boot, as Lennon had it 'in his own write'.

Sickening Sex Crime that will horrify the nation. Sun has 'exact details' (but they're not allowed to say, so expect every outu, roundu, overu, and innu-endo they can get away with until - whoops! - the horrifying truth slips out.

No report complete - wivaht a pronouncement from Kato Anorakiana - Straw forced to meet the pouting Denise. Forced? Blimey, I'd be selling tickets.

CHILD PORN ~ As if the poor bugger wasn't already sufficiently buggered, now they're saying he's back in the In à cause de porn, which means he's really buggered.

If I were him, I'd apply my creative attention to topping meself and escaping this mortal cul de sac, and I do mean cul as in cutta.

Mistaken ID: the only problem with handing a lynch mob a loaded internet is that they will *very* soon want results, and if the real bloke doesnt have the decency to be hunted down, a substitute has to do. No one does this periodic fit bit better than today's Brit.

Man of Straw ~ cordial quitter in venal balls quiz

Prosecution slammed ~ By t'heck that was a good tip to buy shares in the movie. This is going somewhere and Central Casting will be working overtime.

Vera Farmiga for ProseCUTE-ress Maggie Atkinson - yes yes yess!

Sack Maggie! ~ enter the delectable Denise. Cat fight!

[Note to broker: Pick up another 20 thou' shares before they cast Megan Fox as Ms Atkinson's secretary.

MF: "Mizz Acheson? Jock Straw on Line One."

MA: "Tell him I'm busy!"

"Aww ~ and he sounded so nice ... like that cute British accent totally rocks"]

The Venables Rub

20 x 24/7 ~ Ugh, I fear for venal balls. As I've said somewhere else and definitely not passim, I have had the briefest of whispered brushes with the hem of Her Majesty's hospitality and it was clear from clang one that if the inmates want to get at someone, at they will get.

The screws may look flat faced and guardianly but all they're concerned with is not being carpeted with dereliction of duty. It's like a good accountant finding a way to evade a pesky tax.

[Incidentally, my father always held that it is a duty to evade tax and a crime to avoid it. I notice that some pillars of the press no longer spot the distinction.]

As I was saying, the screws apply themselves to finding the loophole by which they cannot be faulted but the unfortunate target still gets done. The guards above all know on which side their wotsits get whetted.

Cocky Venables lording it - someone at this newspaper is determined to stir it.

British Witch hunt at its Foulest ~ this is the sort of rabid writing for which I so closely monitor Project Venal Balls. Splendid stuff and it even has one of those creepy pseudo friendly Childrens Hour names - Uncle Monty.

As long as the Montys are out there churning out this sort of rabble-rousery, the Venal Ballsups of society can stay very afraid.

Muthas of Invention - Private Eye good as ever on nailing the reptiles.

Huntley slashed ~ These things are catching.

The next chiv almost certainly has Venal Balls' nomen on it.

But plenty of time 'til the next Full Moon Melt-down: March 30, Pesach, first day of Passover, which is a bit of a laugh.

Do you hear the rolling thunder, Jon?

Ian Jon, Jon Ian.

Zut alors, almost twinned - rearrange the following into a notorious child killer.

Crazy enough for you?

The Tabloid Beasting of Venables ~ Goodness, the fine titles coming out of this BulgerBalls Brouhaha - and who'd've guessed that Anorak would lead the field?

Crazy Media Beasts ‘Evil’ Jon Venables - that is a verbatim line from the Anorakiana stable. Ayup, there's imagery for you, guys and gals.

Poisonous relationship ~ between tabloid eds and pols.

Absolutely spot-on link to FirstPost in which "documentary maker Richard Symons exposes a poisonous relationship between tabloid editors and politicians."

Anorakiana shock issue exclusive: The Who Why When and What of Venal Balls ... plus all the scores and puzzles.

Hilarious spotlight on the scribblers.

"Crackers Atkinson, coward Straw and the rest of the motley crew." Nothing actually new, of course, in this VenalBalls hue and cry nonsense, I just liked the ring of all that motley crackers cowards rant.

Jump. Start. - very odd. Look at this ... Ed Balls, is it? Rather nice looking bloke. Anyway, he's being asked about Crackers Atkinson and waiting for the question and as soon as he hears the name he gives a little start. Rum.

Got a thing for killers - well, here's a rum one, no mistake about it. Rather too close to April 1 for my liking but my job not to question, just to post.

"A small chance that he could do terrible things to me ..." Ack! Get away with you, you silly slag.