"Olive, Eucalyptus and Cypress Trees"

Hilarious Craig Brown-style Pseuds Corner-meets-breathless William Boot piss-take of the Mandelson bunk up chez  Rothschild-sur-Mer.

I knew Nicolina Haslamopoulou was a little Miss Blabette but hadn't taken in her mischievous talent for camping it up for the gullible press.

For one who affects vagueness about Westminster, ChitterChatter Haslamobad is impressively precise (and indiscreet) about La Mandella's 'work' agenda:

“Something about trade unions, motor companies ending, politics.

I don’t know, I don’t follow politics.”

Well, something had those pixie ear lobes glued to the salon door.

I guffawed at the thought that Kassiopi is "known to wealthy British visitors as 'Kensington-on-Sea'."

Not the toffs, you Big Girls Blouse - it's us sour-grape chanking plebs wot call it that.

Blimey, Follers, better not let mauve-fingered Mary Keen hear you get it wrong ....

Confided 'interior designer' Nicola H,

“We’ve got no plans to go out. No reason to move — it’s paradise here.”

He and that other Nat - 'Fawlty' Pascoe - should have got together and pooled a μεζέ of tantalising snippets for the slavering hacks rocking off shore with their long lenses and 'Alice' sick bags.

Dept of Why Don't they Leave us Alone? ~ If the scribbling Ιωαννης Follain is to be believed,

"David Cameron is expected to pay for a rented villa just over a mile to the south in Kalamaki, where he is expected to arrive in a week’s time."

You'd think that the fire-breathing Ms Farounaki had delivered fair warning on how we deal with tourist rough trade out here.

We'll have the Sambuca simmering.

"Her Corfu": Follain's frippery in The Thunderer clearly touched a nerve wi' Daily Mail who quickly slipped the leash on their own Glenda Gorgon Julia Langdon (no less) to get Poetic and Possessive about "her" Corfu.

Hard to know which to cackle loudest at:

Word for the Day: Cerulean. (First person to use it down Dirty Nellies gets a free Sambuca.)

"Running Britain from the island, using his Black-Berry [sic]"
Gotta love those Mail subs, but you know what? That's how I write it, too.

OK, cave. Here comes the Quaint Qwerty ... count the me me mes:

"As a Corfu regular for many years, I was the first to hear last summer that he had been dining with the Shadow Chancellor, George Osborne, over the delicious marinated anchovies in the Taverna Agni, my local taverna."

And just to make sure:

"And now, he has become besotted with Corfu - my Corfu, where I've been holidaying for 25 years."

Follow that, Follain!

Sodom and Gomorrah-on-Sea: Trust the Spectator's (and elsewhere) incomparable Taki to set the record straight. I bet La Haslam wishes he'd coined that one; rather appropriate.