27 October 2009

Lad stabs burglar

Charged with murder

I have always  sympathised with anyone prosecuted for taking out a burglar.

In the very early 1970s, around 4am, I heard a scrabbling outside my fourth floor Finchley Road flat and when I'd silently opened the window wider, saw some punk fiddling with the kitchen window of the 2nd floor premise.

I was directly over him and he hadn't looked up so I took one of the bricks supporting my makeshift bookshelf and - very unlike me - judged it spot on right so that it hit him dead centre on his thieving bonce sending him like a dead weight straight down and - get this - the brick having done its job, proceeded to the ground where it smashed and scattered into too many pieces to be much use for forensics.

I then left very quietly and walked around Swiss Cottarje until I reckoned the fuss would be over.

But I digress: back to enterprising Omari with the skill (and presence of mind) to plunge his poignard into the bizarrely named Tyler Juett,

I mean, fark ... just look at the creep. If ever I came face to face with a freak that so closely resembled the banjo picker in Deliverance, I wouldnt mess around with the cutlery, I'd go the Full Monty Harry and waste him with the Magnum.

A four-letter fart to whether the varlet felt lucky or not.


Sibadd said...

I wonder about this. Thievery is disgusting but didn't we get rid of the death penalty, agree that vengeance is mine, the rule of law and Christ's opinion that we should not kill. Part of me rejoices in the death of the scumrag thief whose fate is so well deserved and regrets the arrest of his murderer - but I'm not sure how much i like that part of me. I also wonder whether all those bankers and politicians whose actions have led to far greater harm in the world than oddnamed could have begun to achieve will burn in hell one day.

Busker said...

Another good one.
And hey - I dont like that part in me at all but whenever I connect with it the sinews stiffen, I feel a clarity and fresh blood pump. I also immediately imagine myself in the situation - all competent action hero, of course - and run a mental video of the villain copping it this time from my own hands. It only lasts a brief moment but it's a wonderful pick-me-up and confidence booster. Then I revert to drippy not-liker of that part in me by which time it's too late because I'm already benefiting from the benefits of the workout.

Sibadd said...

The thieves I've come across are sad souls who's only significant moment, when we had capital punishment for their stupid sins, was their last. It's why - faithless and secular - I treasure that remark to the thief "tonight you will dine with me in Paradise".

Busker said...

Ooh I like that "faithless and secular". Also of course the wondrous, "Tonight you will dine with me in Paradise". They don't comfort like that no more.
Dept of Lez Madge Pedantry: 'whose', dear boy, '*whose* only sig' mo'.

Simon Baddeley said...

"Who's" = "Who is" X 100 lines.

Busker said...

You are the last person I'd dare truss up like that. Indeed, I was going to leave it but my inner pedant clawed at my sleeve with a "Scaredy cat? And what if Cost Centre #2 spotted it and added comment, 'Dad! Like who's sibadd whose who's/whose you like totally missed? Grammar Fail! Am telling Mom."

Simon Baddeley said...

'Cost centre 2'. That's inspired. I'm stealing that right now.