THIEVERY MOST SEASON'RY

I've tried to run this past year in tune with previous calendars, seeing what precisely I was denied by caving into my slavery or gardenry and settling those scores.

DRAFTS - but goodness, the posts I've written but never let see the light of venom.

Some issues there, I'll wager.

But back to Christmas Calumny.

I now realise that I was competing with a full house of pilferers and couldn't drop my guard.

After the April 2007 theft, I couldnt face re-visiting Villa Thefti so I'd have to watch with eagle-eye what maman packed to take over to Italy; if they were coming here, again I'd have to be alert to likely loot that'd disappear.

By the Trésors of Tiresias! (yes, i'd have to feign 'blindness') The trickery and trackery of the maternal jewels.

First, I'd rearrange the bijouterie according to the phone taps so that they'd be magically in order of 'dispensation', the ones promised to my girls equally mysteriously AWOL.

Then I'd have to replace and dis-place the more obvious ones to create a moving feast, always pacing myself to end with the right score on day of departure. Exhausting.

This year for the first time, a relaxèd Yule.