Cranial-Rectal

I've suddenly gone pompous of late when mixing with the local 'Bright Things'.

At parties, I make a point of calling loudly for tonic water and lemon, squinting sourly at the 'Players' as they strut by with their treble wodkas and cheroots and giggly tottie under each arm.

"If you have to recover from having a good time," I intone mournfully, "it was not a good time."

(Emphasised by the colourful pic of the Sirens offering Ulysses just one more for the wave)

Everyone thinks that sounds terribly wise and mature and oh so boring but I find it rather inspiring in a way that I have not managed to squeeze from the raft of self-help books and wagging fingers over the years.

It's in fact a direct crib from the Master's "New Year tips for a successful cranial-rectal extraction" and I'm not saying any more by way of identification because I also see in his addictive blog that those who curse and revile him and ask who'd be idiot enough to read his ravings do so with the precision and familiar detail that comes only from long and apoplectic study of the culprit scribblings themselves. Apparently, their vilifications also display a familiarity with his work and home life (or something), so I'm giving no hostages to fortune.

But to come back to recovering from a good time - an essential element akin to my not being present for the Sixties - I've worked out that I have absolutely no idea what booze is and have behaved accordingly throughout my years of knocking it back.

Alcohol, on the other hand, has my number bang to rights: if there's a cartoon of assorted liquor bottles at a card table, I'm the twittering buffoon looking smugly round to identify the 'mark'.

Which for some obscure reason reminds me of another Sedition goodie - and what a glorious pic it is, perfect for every occasion and mea culpa

'Vole meets Hawk, Hawk eats vole'.

Apart from the characteristic magnificence of the bird of prey, note the bright-eyed expression of the vole as if it's being held in a tender parental grip ... until you notice the trailing entrails.

Magnificent shot and ugh.