Death by Roobish

OK, maybe I will do a smidgeon of housekeeping while maman's away:

Old geezer lets the rubbish build up until he has to make tunnels to get around his fragrant abode.

One day he loses his way in this labyrinth and dies of dehydration or whatever one does in such bizarre circumstances.
I would hope also from starvation but qui sait with all that good rotting fibre to hand and nutritious detritus dripping from the walls.

Because of stench, police had to call in a diving team to first enter the house. Now that I would have enjoyed watching from behind my Acacia Drive lace curtains.

"Ee, coom quick, Mrs Barraclough - it's our Tony walking oop t'drive of number 12, you know, the quare fellah.

Aye, luv, but not in mask and tank and them flippers he uses down t'harbour."

This one hurts: a 1950s car just sitting there ... tragedy.

How did Quentin Crisp have it?: No need bother with housework because, after the first 4 years, it doesnt get any dirtier.

I must say, the day I lunched chez lui it all looked spic n span so maybe he was teasing.

Rubbish Celebrities: But the funniest cruelest juxtaposition is the darkie fellah to the right, seeming to be eyeing the article, and promoting 'rubbish' celebrities.

What's the betting there'll be a switcheroo within 24 hrs?

But bravo that witty sub-ed.