AMAZON ORDERS

When they won't deliver

OK, chaps - let me end once and for all these questions about "mewl moan waah your Amazon won't send me my stuff ... waah."

Listen - there's Amazon and there's 'Marketplace' where freelancers can place their items alongside Amazon items.

Imagine maman has a weekly yard sale right here in the grounds of Pagoda Corfuchsia and it's so popular and everyone knows where it is - whereas your hovel in downtown Nimfes is impossible to find - that you ask to set up your own little stall.

We say yes, have that corner in the shadows so you don't spoil the view and people don't think we're having a Homeless Day ... and it's 10% of anything you make from trying to flog that useless tat.

So along come the punters and they buy from us and they buy from you and they offer credit cards and cheques as well as cash.

Still with me?

Later that week the bank tells you that the cards were stolen and blocked and the checks worthless, too.

You come wailing to us and we say, none of our business and you say so why doesn't the same thing happen to you?

Like, the same guys who bought from us bought from you - so how come you dont have the same hassle?

"Oh we do.

As soon as it happens, we send Kutsi and Sam and a coupla da boys from the Telesilla out on the trail.

Rip their fucking arms off [see foto].

Rarely happens twice."

So you go,

"Duhh - I get it. Roight, lads! No more cheques or cards from anyone toting a korakiana address.

Dem bums allus cheatin' me and getting in first on the parking and queue barging in Marinopoulos and ... "

That's what the MarketPlace squatters have to do because they can't follow up on a dud card from a low life place like Corfu or wherever.

Listen up:

"Countries Covered

So far, Marketplace items can only be purchased by buyers in these countries:

UK: England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales

Europe: Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Portugal, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland

US: including US protectorates

Rest of World: Australia, Brazil, Canada, Hong Kong, Iceland, Japan, Norway, Republic of Korea, Mexico, New Zealand, South Africa

If your country is not yet covered, you cannot make a Marketplace purchase.

However, you may be able to purchase the item directly from Amazon.co.uk.

Sellers may also choose to not deliver internationally.

See International Delivery on Marketplace Orders."

Glad we cleared that up.