The Lysistrata Ploy

~ Lady 2-Jags versus Sofa John ~

How I laughed.

What? Pudding-face Prescott pretending he doesn't want a gong?

Fatso Two-Jags?

Croquet-pokay and hoist a secretray

The People's Partying Lard Lad?

I laugh. I laugh.

Actually, she wasn't just a secretary, was she?

Blubber and the Blonde "began working together when Ms Tracey Temple was appointed as Mr Prescott's assistant private secretary, responsible for organising his diary."

That's when the world first heard about the sensitive post of 'Diary organiser' and fancy woman fluffer.

Got it.

I can do no better a razor job than the public press.

Camera. Lights. Action.

"The curmudgeonly former deputy prime minister is being coaxed by Pauline Prescott to join the ermine-clad peers when he quits the Commons next month, despite his long-standing antipathy to what he calls “flunkery and titles.

According to a senior Commons insider, his wife

'loves the idea of being called Lady P'.

Yesterday the glamorous former hairdresser made little attempt to deny she has her sights set on a title, saying coyly:

'We’ll just wait and see what happens.'

FFS. It's also a reflection on the ignorant boys and girls who run today's press but you cannot imagine how crassly non-U such utterances sound.

We're talking about honours conferred for a life well lived and deeds well done, and all these plebeian creeps can come up with is that they

'Love the idea of being called Lady P'

Little attempt to deny she has her sights set on a title

Saying coyly, 'We’ll just wait and see what happens.'

You stupid common slag - how dare you talk about honours like that?

Prescott’s arrival in the upper house would cap his rise from a ship’s steward on Cunard liners to some of the highest offices of state.

According to Commons insiders, he will top the list of a relatively small number of peers that Gordon Brown will create if he leaves office this spring.

Well, that's pretty depressing for starters but that's not what I'm here to discuss.

Miss Pauline wants El Lardo to be ennobled so that she can be ladiefied in reflection.

Fatso is putting up token protest.

Unbelievable, I know, but Prescott has been reported as getting his leg over certain femmes other than his wife (ouch yaroo, crush smush blush).

I reckon he's on a shorter leash since the reptiles busted his rutting with the diary biatch so the very fanciable Pauline has him by his diminutive balls.

All she has to play is the Lysistrata Λυσιστράτη ploy - no ermine, no squirmin' (and that woman looks like she knows her squirm from her Volvo) - and Jag Fag will fall into line.

Wossa problem?