"Loipon Poh Poh"

That's the new sitcom I'm pitching to Tom Cruise:

It will swamp Pame Paketo but I will generously offer Marietta Chrousala a bit part. God that woman is hot.

"Here, nobody needs to pay a €1,000 bribe to get a hospital bed in time" - spaketh the Grauniad.

It will be 'Allo 'Allo meets 'Some Mothers Do'.

It will drive a rift between Siegfried and Scheria that will not be healed in my lifetime.

Every writer in the land will be offering me a hospital bed to let him at an episode. Every hottie vedette *in* aforesaid bribe-bed will be on hottest behaviour to win a treasured part.

The divine siren, Kaliroe, will sing the theme tune and her honour remain intact.

An excuse to feature Neuromantics will occur in every episode and a central character will be heard bleating "Oh. My. God. I must have that album, where can I get it?"

The penultimate episode will feature Ms Raouzeou visiting the Durrell Bosketto Garden where Raul, Holmes and Big Jim Potts just happen to be jamming ... what more natural than ...?

Come Xmas 2010, urgent call on Holmes's cell ~ Li'l Jeff Bezos,

"Yo Chris, miss you, my man.

Zack's right here beside me and he asks me to ask you did you use COBOL on that early beta of 1-click, coz the boys can't quite figure out why e-tithes seem to be going to a bank account in Perithia re-routed via a sex dungeon in Dorset.

You alway were a wag - but look, good buddy ... Orders report a flood of inquiries for "Blues at the Bosketto" (boxed set) of which, frankly, none of us has heard.

Request enlightenment pronto.

PS ~ Don't happen to have a number for that Kaliroe Rouser chick, do ya? Whoot, that woman has a voice on her."