02 May 2006

Out on a limb

(and other Mercy Exits)

I've been thinking about Concerned Reader's friendly message and her distinction between "gardening" and the simpler horridness of "weeding".

My curiosity piqued by a comment she made, I've also been cruising the property searching out likely limbs.

Look at that corker above - phwoar! And just outside the toolshed.

Are we talking Tom Dooley territory or what? LOL

And over there, the instruments of torture with which I wreak havoc on the land and it wreaks me right back.

Prick: In fact, there's a magnificent "spiker" down by the Cottage that gets me every time.

I reckon that'll do me in sans much effort on my part.

Back to the weed vs gardening debate.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn'd distinction between yanking up weedus guvianus  and waving a punkah over the sweaty brow of my Capability Brown brother as he performs a triple-bypass on the Crataegus pentagyna.

The moment I incline from the vertical and glimpse 'jardinerie', my temper goes on short-fuse and I think of large quantities of whiskey and puffs of dark 'baccy such as will lay me low and too incapacitated to ruffle the foliage further.

And what about that brooding limb over there? Down by the pool garden, overlooking "Christine's Bench" so that gives it an edge.

rain clouds moving inOld Man Snoring: There *is* a God.

Half way thru today's toil, it started raining.

Turned me quite poetic in the manner of the great Nigel Molesworth.

I don't know how many of you read or remember those deathless tomes, but I grew up with them and in moments of stress or extreme joy lapse into Nige's lingo.

Aficionados  will sneer but it's my blog and I'll ham if I want to.

"Dere God,

Thanks a million for making rane. Cor! Sooper timing.

I was on the patio playing with Sam and like a fule let Mum hear me, so of course she asked would I like to do sum weeding?

Yeh, right, like would i suddenly like to find my poket money stopped? So I said yes (curse groan swizz).

I don't know who felt the bigger wede - me or the chaps I was pulling up.

Then it started raining. Yippee.

Thanks soO  much!

It must be so kool being You. Like do you just say 'let there be rain' and it comes bucketing down?


And if you don't have a brolly, you just go ahem and it's there.

I don't suppose I can call you for refills?

Is there a direct line so I don't have to go thru the Main Switchboard.

Every time I ask you for anything I get macho-voiced Saint Ashley.

  • If you know your Party's extension, press 1
  • If this is an emergency, press 2
  • If you are going straight to Hell, press 3
  • If this is a distribution query, please hang up and dial Handbaskets-R-Us"

    And so forth. Gotta have a giggle now and then.