Smart-ass Vocab

The cool vocab one first gens up on is never what you actually need.

The right headlight on the hotrod has gone and altho the mechanic at the garage showed me how to rub the connection to get it going again, it works in daylight and then funks out at night.

You would NOT believe the delight with which the locals honk and gesture and shout and pout.

I started out with my own stumbling apols and rueful gestures - you know, the standard one with which one succinctly signals

"I know. The right headlight is out. The bloke showed me how to rub the fuse but it keeps going out so I'm *terribly* sorry to panic you with my imitation of a uni-bulbed motorcyle. I *am* having it seen to ..."

Alanna has equipped me with the right jargon.

Loosely translated from the fluent demotic :

I know, I know !!Duu de! Like you're the first to tell me? (gestures)

I'm taking it to the dealer tomorrow but what can you do? These Nissans, yeh?

God bless me with a lottery win so i can pimp up to something decent like you're driving. Whoa! Them be wheels; know what I mean?"

Friendly wave back. "Hey, no problem. Yeh, I almost bought one those but then the pa-in-law sold a stremata of marsh land to some stoopid English creep and I got me this beast. Hey, take care."

"LOL. Those asshole Brits'll buy anything. Cruise on, mate."

Even got pulled over by the fuzz.

Different vocab:

"Yes honourable inspector law-enforcer - I am aware that I'm driving dangerous like this and you are right to stop me.

Let me pop the hood and ask your advice ... see, i rub here and-"

"Licence."

"Well, I'm on an american one for now"

"Ameriki? Which part?"

"Seattle"

I want to visit America

It's great.

Who told you to rub the fuses that way? Here, this is what you need do as a temporary measure

There's a mechanic at the Kondokoli Shell, a fine mechanic

Spiros? He's a fool. In fact he's such a fool he married my sister. OK, sir - drive on, but get it fixed.

Thanks v much, Inspector. Good night

It don't get no greener:I can't *stand* the way folks behind moi honk a nano-second after the lights go green.

Aussie pal in Hong Kong used to get out and give a friendly wave and look at his rear end and then shrug and ask, "Thanks, mate, but what was the problem?"

Of course, Tony could get away with it: built like a brick shithouse, nose flattened from taking a few mae-geris on the way to collecting a shotokan bronze at the Asian Olympics.

But I've got it ready in my verbal knapsack:

Efaristo poli! What's my problem? What? You were honking because the light went green? How long did you give me?

Yeh right mate, about as long as it takes you to get it off with your fancy lady. beg pardon, missus - this your husband, is it? Impatient little cove, inne? Same to you, fellah - but this geezer honked when the lights had barely changed. Yeh, don't you just hate that? Wossat? Athenian plates? Hadnt noticed that. Yeh, total wankers. They should stick to their holidays on the Italian costa and leave decent Corfiots like you to drive in peace.

Blimey, we've already wasted 10 mins as it is. Well, ta ra, I'll leave you two to sort it out."

Plurality: Down to the kiosk t'other night to buy 2 packs of Karelia cigs.

Realised I wasnt sure of how to ask for two packets.

Remembered a tip from the great and late John Blackwell, editorial director of Secker & Warburg and our best man when I ringed the finger of the ex Mrs Busker, mother of my divine daughters and the only woman I'll ever love.

Chap goes into a shop to buy a brace of mongoose/gooses/geese. Realises he's not 100% sure what the plural is so he asks, "Good day, my stout fellow. Give me a mongoose. (Pause) Dammit, make it two."

I get to the kiosk. Usual greetings. Pack of Karelia, please. Oh what the hell, give me another (which I can say).