21 February 2009

Guide to Sex Toys

~ Good Vibrations ~

I'm plonking this here as reference source for when next quizzed on what's new or good in the market.

I'm not an expert but I once enoyed (yes, I did) an unlikely tie-up with an angel-face proprietor of a sex shop to whom I repped 12 copies of Jeremy Sandford's "Prostitutes" (for which I performed dynamite PR including a press confab for the nationals complete with TV cameras) and later arranged a signing session with the very hey-class whore that featured in the book and offered herself as token interviewee. A very handsome woman, I must say. BID.

The proprietress and I became good drinking mates and knowing my flair for writing boss copy, one day asked me to vamp her catalogue.

I did so and showed it to her and she made some adjustments to which I made some adjustments. Then we got out a couple of bottles of bubbly and went thru the catalogue and the champagne and arrived at even better wording ... and then I made my excuses and left.

She never paid me but when I took shy young things in there to persuade them to adorn their lithe bodies in suitable gear, she always 'dressed' them perfectly according to their assets and took away their prejudices and inhibitions.

So - shoot ahead many years to a conversation with a very proper lady with an even properer body during which the chat touched on sex aids etc whereupon I demonstrated my improper knowledge and familiarity with the more exotic range of toys and exciters.

Come to think of it, it was the improperly bodied society lady who I celebrated in song with the verse:

"I love it when the Da-da* sun burns down
Mad dogs and Englishmen turn brow
She maybe Lady Prim back home in London town
But she's built for sin where the Da-da* sun goes down"

* I have to go "da da" lest that accursèd Google Alert pick up the name of the isle and broadcast the existence of this blog to the locals.

Loipon, my fate was sealed and before you could say Joy-Tickler, I was the local encyclopaedic Love Guru ("TM".

You know how these things spread: now I'm consulted in sotto voce tones by THE most unlikely people to whom my protestations of being outta date fall on deaf - er - 'ears'.

"Oh go on, you needn't be shy with me; I bet you tell M-- all about the latest gear."

What i do, i confess, is invent stuff and the wilder my fantasies the wider - er- eyed they become. ("Oh goodness, that is soo funny ... where do they think these things up? I say (even sotterer voce ... you don't happen to have a sample I could look at ...?")

With this timely article I can palm them off with this link and a wink.

Vaut le détour:

  • Coco-de-Mer
  • Jimmy Jane
  • More to cum
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