Swann Song

Ivell Incompetent Marketing

Splendid tale about cutie-pie Kimberley Swann (16) being fired from Ivell Marketing & Logistics for her unwise posting on Facebook of being "bored".

I wonder how the fuck her hideous boss Stephen Ivell knew, unless he too was slacking off on Facebook, one-handedly perving the comely Ms Swann.

Actually, play the CNN news video and blanch in horror at the odious Ivell's plucked-chicken coiffure and indented jumbled dentures: the spitting image of a wanker Essex man who would  spend more time ogling nubile employees than attending to his company's marketing and logisticising.

Oliver Marks is good on the story, too.

What's the betting that Ivell's desk and computer enjoy what Diablo Cody cleverly coined as good 'Porn Shui': the screen invisible to those suddenly entering his foetid place of work.

Just as I'm sure that the doe-eyed Kimberley has been deluged with job offers - and, I'm happy to say, the Ivell site's contact tab seems to have crashed under hits by ill-wishers.

One glance at Ms Swann's virginal pure looks tells me that all red-blooded photo desks will be perched on her doorstep until she lands her next job - and what a publicity food frenzy *that* will be for the understanding new employer!

I tell you, chaps, the sooner KS is free of that peeping-tom Ivell Caliban, the better for all of us, and that goes for the moral health of British industry itself. No wonder we're in such a jam if the top brass pay more attention to a teenager's jotting on Facebook than to their own bottom line.

Bored: Speaking of bored, what sort of boss man is so bankrupt of management skills that he can't even organise the timetable and workload of a 16-yr-old trainee to hold her attention and motivation.

Come to think of it, what sort of CEO is himself so disorganised and idle that time hangs heavy on *his* masturbatory mitts to the extent that he's able to while away his working day lurking and drooling online.

Whatever pretence he puts over to his clients, Oily Ivell is well and truly exposed as a nasty piece of work to be kept well away from one's wife, daughters or parlour-maid.

I were a client, I'd cancel my contract sans delay.

By Melanippides' Merkin! I can think of a thousand better uses for a plummeting £ than financing this quasimodo's seed spilling over the flower of Essex maidenhood.