Obit
London Times
Round-robin just in. A bit cringey but what the hell, I'm here to serve. No one knows for sure how old he was, his birth records long lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health deteriorated rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his four stepbrothers; "Today we mourn the passing of a belovèd old friend, Common Sense who has been with us for many years.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
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