Wossit all abaht, Alfie?

I love the idea of pint-sized pater Alfie Patten being 'distraught' at the thought of two other randy rotters getting their leg over Chantelle.

And golly, that Chantelle, eh? She may look like a District Nurse but phwoar! she's clearly a bit of a goer.

I'm wondering what her parents' reaction was to all these rival lovers emerging (literally) from the shrubbery to claim a share of the loot.

And look at that baby face - so cute and lost.

How can a lad be 'distraught' when he doesn't even know the word 'financial'? And ya know what? I can't even picture the mite making with the 2-backed beast with Jezebel 'Hippo' Charlene.

Follow the money: Interesting that the 'press watchdog' is looking into 'allegations that the Sun and the People paid for the Patten story.'

Never even knew this practice 'breaches editors' code, unless it can be shown to be in the public interest.'

Surely the Sun or People or rags of that filth follow no code except their own and the trail of money?