11 June 2006

Sloshed Fuzz Twice Over Drink/Drive Limit

"Drive hammered, get nailed", as the saying goes.

The blighters *I* feel sorry for are those who knock it back to their usual excess, zoom off in a merry haze, and end up slaughtering their own family and friends.

And live.

I mean, no matter *how* resolutely one vows to quit the culprit grog, there's got to come a time when the Inner Alcoholic finally crawls out and suggests just the teensiest easing up on the breast beating. Oh, and while one's about it - might not a small dry sherry before luncheon be in order?

I'm reminded of this dilemma by retired British fuzz Keith Bridges who on June 9 last managed to rack up an impressive head-count a mere 50 yards from his maison de famille  in the Dordogne.

According to tests, KB's alcohol/blood level was 1.01g/litre, just over double the French limit of 50mg. The boozy old Brits peg theirs at a generous 80mg.

Washington State: As of January 1, 1999, Washington State has run one of the strictest DUI laws in the country: legal blood alcohol limit lowered from .10 to a mere .08. But I digress.

For those who note these things, Bridges was driving one of those accursèd breeds of 4x4s, a Cherokee. Probably felt Roi de la Route  as he careered along, and I trust he got *some* macho satisfaction for his money from the damage wreaked on the two trees he hit.

He certainly can't complain about the body-count on the other side of the windscreen:


  • Wife Julie-Anne, 43
  • Julie's 10-yr-old daughter, Bethany
  • Close friend, Andrew Dyer, 41
  • Andrew's daughter Gabriella, 10


  • Dyer's wife Tracy, 38


  • Andy and Tracy's childen Charlotte, 7, and Kieron, 4.

    Bridges himself, poor bugger, "escaped with minor injuries", if you can call that any sort of escape.

    As I say, at what point does this boozy rascal descend to the cellar (to which he's forever banished the demon hooch, never again to sully his lips, et tout ça ) and, intending no more than a chiding finger wag, find himself pouring just a smidgeon for the road?

    Does he choose a different brand from the mix he tanked up on that fateful night? Has he allocated individual drinks from the night's binge to each of this victims:

  • The second Pernod digestif - Julie
  • The second bottle of red - Bethany and Gabriella
  • The cognacs with the coffee - Charlotte and Kieron
  • The third cognac at the bar as they went out with that way-laying rogue Jean-Luc - Andy
  • And so forth

    And how face the Criticals and Serious when - God willing - they pull through? Not too easy to stand quaffing a foaming tankard around the local barbie when you've got a scarred Tracy hobbling by. Do you offer to help her out to the customized van with the kids' wheelchairs?

    Naturally, muck-raking rags like the Mirror and News of the Screws will even now be ploughing thru police records for every DUI our Keithy prosecuted to the full limit of the law.

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